Need some advice!
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Need some advice!
| Tue, 09-04-2007 - 3:17am |
Hi. I'm new to this board. I'm here because i believe me and my husband have a serious problem. A quick background- My husband and I met in high school through mutual friends. We were friends for a while before we actually began dating. We dated all through high school, with very few problems. After high school i went straight to college, my husband, who graduated two yrs earlier was already working on building his career. Throughout the time we were dating he was very much my prince charming. He has a very "rough around the edges" type personality, but when it came to me he was thoughtful, kind, forgiving, and just perfect. He used to sing to me and we have actually danced in the rain, gone on romantic conoe trips, and boating trips, we were always happy just being around each other, and he did the sweetest things like buying me gifts just because i had a bad day and encouraging me, believing i could do anything.
We got engaged after i had been in college 1 yr, then were married 8 months later. We have been married almost a yr now, and everything has changed. I know alot has changed because of time. I'm still a full time student and he works alot, then we have lots of obligations to family and friends and we are involved in church activities. The problem is how he has changed. It's actually pretty hard to explain it- he just makes me feel like he doesn't care all that much anymore. For valentines day he didn't get me anything! I mean didn't even tell me happy valentines day, i thought maybe he just forgot, until he came home talking to me about how stupid this day was and making fun of people who got worked up about. When he realized i was disappointed he went out and bought me all sorts of things but then was really rude and short with me all night. So then for my birthday i just flat out told him what i wanted to do and made plans myself- he forgot! He was late getting home because he went to help his brother work on his house. I was left sitting at home waiting on him instead of enjoying my birthday. More recently he has just started being mean, like if i've been at home cleaning and i forgot to do something when he gets home he yells at me and goes on about how i don't have a job and he doesn't understand why i can't keep the house clean. And just the way he talks to me in general he yells and is rude and inconsiderate. I've tryed to talk to him but he always gets mad and either just walks out of the room and says he doesn't want to talk or it turns into a fight. Don't get me wrong i'm not saying i'm blameless, but i'm trying so hard in every way. I do everything like he wants it done from the way his clothes are folded to how i take care of the bills. I've done everything i can think of to make him stop talking to me the way he does- i've tryed just ignoring him, i've tryed getting mad and yelling back, waiting until he calms down and calmly talk to him- everything and even when it changes for a while he always goes back to it sooner or later.I'm starting to get scared-i can't sleep at night, and so it's affecting my grades my other relationships and probably not helping my relationship with him any. I'm scared he just doesn't love me like he used to and so this will never change. I just don't understand how you can love a person but talk to them like you think they are completely stupid! I'm scared and hurt and i don't know what to do. I know this was alot to read- so thank you so much for reading this and for any advice you have that might be able to help!
Thanks,
lucy2306
We got engaged after i had been in college 1 yr, then were married 8 months later. We have been married almost a yr now, and everything has changed. I know alot has changed because of time. I'm still a full time student and he works alot, then we have lots of obligations to family and friends and we are involved in church activities. The problem is how he has changed. It's actually pretty hard to explain it- he just makes me feel like he doesn't care all that much anymore. For valentines day he didn't get me anything! I mean didn't even tell me happy valentines day, i thought maybe he just forgot, until he came home talking to me about how stupid this day was and making fun of people who got worked up about. When he realized i was disappointed he went out and bought me all sorts of things but then was really rude and short with me all night. So then for my birthday i just flat out told him what i wanted to do and made plans myself- he forgot! He was late getting home because he went to help his brother work on his house. I was left sitting at home waiting on him instead of enjoying my birthday. More recently he has just started being mean, like if i've been at home cleaning and i forgot to do something when he gets home he yells at me and goes on about how i don't have a job and he doesn't understand why i can't keep the house clean. And just the way he talks to me in general he yells and is rude and inconsiderate. I've tryed to talk to him but he always gets mad and either just walks out of the room and says he doesn't want to talk or it turns into a fight. Don't get me wrong i'm not saying i'm blameless, but i'm trying so hard in every way. I do everything like he wants it done from the way his clothes are folded to how i take care of the bills. I've done everything i can think of to make him stop talking to me the way he does- i've tryed just ignoring him, i've tryed getting mad and yelling back, waiting until he calms down and calmly talk to him- everything and even when it changes for a while he always goes back to it sooner or later.I'm starting to get scared-i can't sleep at night, and so it's affecting my grades my other relationships and probably not helping my relationship with him any. I'm scared he just doesn't love me like he used to and so this will never change. I just don't understand how you can love a person but talk to them like you think they are completely stupid! I'm scared and hurt and i don't know what to do. I know this was alot to read- so thank you so much for reading this and for any advice you have that might be able to help!
Thanks,
lucy2306

Welcome to the board lucy,
I am sorry things have changed for you since you got married. It seems to
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In my opinion, I don't think you are overreacting. You said he is very different now than before you got married. So something changed in him.
Maybe you could give us some examples of things and we could decide if you were overreacting.
You did say he didn't get you anything for V-Day until you said something and then he was mean about it and that he forget the plans for your bday and was busy helping someone else. It makes sense to me that you would be upset about these things.
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I don't mean to bring you down even further, but I thought that my experience might help.
Good luck to you.
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