Need some advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Need some advice
8
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 9:36am
Last year my bf, myself and his mother all moved in together. We rented a 2 bedroom apartment and within 3 months his mother had found another bf and although she still pays rent on the apartment she has moved in with her bf. The problem is they have a dog and when she moved in with her bf she left the dog with us. Never asked if the dog could stay she just assumed it would be ok. Now, we are stuck feeding, watering and taking the dog out. He has had numerous accidents in the house and quite honestly I'm fed up with it. My bf and I both work and I attend college full time so we really don't have much time to care for the dog. Talking to his mother about it is like talking to a brick wall. The dog is deathly afraid of thunderstorms and last night we had one. He somehow got behind the tv and knocked it over right after my bf and I had gone to bed which meant my bf had to get up and get him out from behind the tv and rehook it up. I got pissed and told my bf that this is ridiculous. I told him his mom goes out drinking every night and lets us with the dog. Of course, he said the dog is his and would I rather have his mother there or the dog. Well, the dog of course but I am still angry about this. He has stained the carpet from his accidents. Our lease is up the end of next month and we are finally getting a place of our own. I know this sounds petty but I don't want to constantly bump heads with my bf about the dog. I know my bf is upset about the situation too but how do I handle this for the next 45 days till we move. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. His mother wanted us to stay living where we are now so we could keep the dog. Well my bf nixed that idea quickly!! So needless to say we are moving without the dog. I don't like arguing about this so help me with some suggestions!!!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
In reply to: swtpea21
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 10:15am
Simple. He tells his mother that unless she comes to get the dog, it will go to a no-kill animal shelter. Most communities have one now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
In reply to: swtpea21
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 10:35am
Honestly I feel sorry for the dog in this situation. Talk to your boyfriend about ways to help the dog instead of getting mad at him or his mother. What about training it. What about offering his mother help in finding a good home where the dog will get the attention it needs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
In reply to: swtpea21
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 10:36am
Oh my he would never do that. The dog is 12 years old and we don't have a no kill shelter in our area. My solution was to take the dog and tie it out side his mothers bf's apartment. I don't know what to do here maybe bite the bullet since its only for another month!!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
In reply to: swtpea21
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 11:14am
I feel sorry for the dog too. He's been uprooted and has to be in a small 2-bedroom apt with no place to run. He is a lab and as for finding a new home for him that would devestate my bf. He loves this dog but it's so frustrating because of the accidents in the house and him being so scared of storms. I was pissed last night because we had just gone to bed when he got behind the tv and my bf couldn't get him out. The dog ended up spending the night in the 2nd bedroom. I just don't appreciate the fact that his mother just assumes that we accept responsibility for the dog. Talking to her is out of the question she doesn't get it.
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: swtpea21
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 12:16pm

As your boyfriend's mother kept paying her share of the rent and was not living in the apartment, I suppose she assumed she was paying for the boarding and care of the dog. If you move out, and take no money from her, you have no obligation towards the dog, other than that which you want to have. If this is his mother's dog, it is up to her to care for it. It depends upon whose dog it is. If you dislike living with the dog so much, then your boyfriend needs to work this out with his mother. Caring for an animal can be like caring for a child, and it has many obligations and time committments that you may not feel ready or willing to undertake. The basic question here is that you and your boyfriend have to be able to communicate your needs and feelings to one another and to respect each other and make the compromises necessary. Remember, also, ultimately she really has no right to tell either of you where to live. She has her life and you both need to make yours.


All good wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
In reply to: swtpea21
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 4:01pm
Its not that I dislike living with the dog its the fact that the dog was left with us and it was assumed we would take care of him. He has ruined the carpet in the living room from the accidents he's had. Twice now he's knocked over the tv from being scared of storms. I hate to say this but its an inconvenience. We are both not home much and he isn't being properly cared for at this point. As to whose dog it is, well he's a family pet so I don't know who ultimately bears the responsibility. I feel since we are both gone his mom could at least come over and leave the dog out but she doesn't even do that. Since we are moving next month and the dog will be staying with his mom perhaps I should just not say anything anymore. I don't think a dog is worth fighting over.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
In reply to: swtpea21
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 7:13pm
Just to put in my two cents, my father took our 14-year-old dog to a shelter years ago because it had been having accidents and wasn't getting much attention and my mother kept getting upset about it. I have to tell you that although this was a quick fix solution to the problem, twelve years later everyone in our family still feels bad about it, especially my mother, because it was her complaining that caused my dad to up and get rid of the dog. It's very likely that our dog died in the shelter in god knows what conditions. I totally don't blame you for feeling the way you do -- you've been unfairly put in a very bad situation. I personally think your boyfriend needs to take much more responsibility for this. Could you advertise to see if there's anyone around who could give the dog a good home? I know you're busy, but from my experience, I know the guilt and regret involved with getting rid of an older animal who's unlikely to be adopted. I realy feel awful for the dog -- it's a living being and deserves to be cared for.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
In reply to: swtpea21
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 7:43pm
There are a lot of no kill shelters that screen perspective adopters well which may be a better solution than advertising and not screening and having a better chance of finding a good family.