Need some advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Need some advice
11
Tue, 09-02-2008 - 4:05pm

I need some advice here on what to do. Me and my fiancee of five years have had a bad patch here the last couple months. It was about money, what a surprise. Anyways she moved out about a month ago but would come over time to time. The last time I seen her was exactly two weeks ago today. She left on good terms, we hugged and kissed each other and told each other we loved one another. My son was down here for part of the summer and it was his last week down here so she said she would take him to the movies the next day. She emailed me the next day and apologized for not picking my son up and taking him to the movies. I told her no big deal the movie didnt come out until Friday. We told each other I love you and that was it.


Now she wont reply to any of my emails and she changed her cell phone number. So I havent seen her in two weeks and havent talked to her in a week. In the past week I have had alot of time to do some thinking. And looking back at the summer I handled the whole situation wrong about the money. I was probaly even a jerk at times. So now I am at the point where I would do anything to try to get this relationship back on track. I'm up for counseling or whatever it takes. And I'm worried that the longer I wait to do something I risk the chance of her getting over me. I love this girl to death and I need some advice about what I can do.


Thanks


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2008
Tue, 09-02-2008 - 4:11pm

Hi Chris,


I have a question, did she change her number in the past few weeks you haven't seen her?? If so, that isn't a very good sign, sorry to say.


All you can do is apologize for your behavior and give her space. The relationship right now is over, and I think you need to focus on the future and how you will better handle yourself in this type of situation. I just find it very odd that she changed her number. You need to give her space and time, and I don't know if she will ever come back. All you can do is give her time and space. I am sorry you are going through this.

Sara

"Seek to understand and you will be understood"

Sara

"Seek to understand and you will be understood"

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Tue, 09-02-2008 - 4:16pm
Thanks Sara. Is going over to her Moms where she is staying at and trying to apologize a good idea? I dont want to seem like a stalker or anything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 09-02-2008 - 4:18pm

Welcome to the board chris8105,


Since she won't respond to your emails and she's changed her number, you can without expectation send her a hand-written letter telling her what you figured out, aplogize, whatever, offer counseling and see what happens. But the fact that she's not responding, would indicate that she's unwilling at this point to talk to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2008
Tue, 09-02-2008 - 4:28pm

Is going over to her Moms where she is staying at and trying to apologize a good idea?

No. No no no no. Please just give her the space she so obviously wants. She changed her number and isn't responding for a reason: she doesn't want to talk to you. If you must, I would definitely go with the handwritten letter. Let her know that if and when she wants to contact you, you'll be open to it. And leave it at that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 09-02-2008 - 5:13pm

<<Thanks Sara. Is going over to her Moms where she is staying at and trying to apologize a good idea? I dont want to seem like a stalker or anything. >>


This is an extraordinarily BAD

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2008
Tue, 09-02-2008 - 5:19pm

I think it may be a bit too early to go to her mom's house, because if it was me, and I was trying to break all contact for the time being, and you showed up at my mom's house, I would be livid and any thought I was having about a reconciliation would be out the window.


I know you are so desperate to talk this out with her, but I agree that you should send her a heartfelt letter explaining everything that you did wrong, an apology, and the steps you intend to take to make this relationship better and work. You need to lay all that on the line. If you do that, you have done everything you can possibly do as a mature adult (not a stalker) and the ball is now in her court. Write her a letter.


Good luck and let me know how you are doing!

Sara

"Seek to understand and you will be understood"

Sara

"Seek to understand and you will be understood"

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2008
Tue, 09-02-2008 - 6:32pm

Z
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Tue, 09-02-2008 - 7:08pm
Thanks for all the advice, of course its not what I wanted to here. But thats life I guess. I'm just having trouble with the last conversation we had. It ended with I love you, and the last email ended with I love you. I just cant understand that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2008
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 2:16am

Z
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 12:11pm

You can love someone very much and still not want to be with them or still know that they are not what is best for you and therefore want them out of your life.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

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