Need some advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Need some advice
11
Sat, 05-31-2008 - 1:13pm
Ok, I will try and make this short as possible. I have posted on other areas, thought I would give this site a try. I have been talking to my boyfriend for 6wks, intimate for 4 weeks (approx) We met on an online dating site, which I was on there as a joke with another friend. It ended up where I talked to this guy everyday throughout the day for 2weeks before we actually met. He is divorced and has sole custody of his two kids. I also am "getting" a divorce and have custody of my two kids. (both of us have a 5yr old boy, and a 2yr old girl) Anyways, so we met up, hit it of instantly. The attraction was there immediately. We went for the next couple weeks texting ALL day long, talking on the phone every night, and even seeing each other a couple times a week. We spent the weekends together 3weeks in a row. He had my kids and I go to a family picnic over memorial day weekend. I met his whole family, who told me as well as him that i am a good catch for him, and glad we are together. I have been the first to meet his family since his ex left Feb 07. Anyways, my problem is, that this is the first weekend we haven't spent together, and he is without his kids. Monday we spent the whole day together at his house. Tuesday I started my job and have worked all week 8am-4pm so I don't have time to see him. Tuesday night I tried to contact him on several occasions...text and called twice. He never got back to me. When I looked at a site he is still on...not the singles site we met on...he was logged in. He was logged on there 3 times that I noticed. Once around 3pm, once around 9pm and once at 12:30am. So.....I mentioned that he must be keeping his "options" open and looking for something better. He insists that I am the only one, and that I need to believe him. He has YET to tell me his feelings for me, which worries me. He has told me the usual, your hot...beautiful...blah blah. He has yet to say any feelings. He says with time he will tell me. (whatever) I tell him all the time how I feel about him, good or bad. Anyways, so Wed went all day with no word either. Wed night he called at 8pm and asked how work was. We ended up talking for over an hour. Then he said he was going to bed. I text him goodnight when I went to bed, and he claims he never got it. Then on Thursday he called and talked for 75mins and I was thinking things were back to normal again. Friday we text all day while I was at work since it was a slow day. He was back to him normal texting and funny self. Then at 5pm, his kids got picked up, and at 7pm he stopped contacting me. He said it was gonna be a boys night out. I told him to have fun. I text him his normal...morning pics of me that I always send him....haven't heard any reply back. I know he was going to go boating with his brother today. But it just worries me that he was on this site.....and that now this week it seemed like he was distancing himself. I may be looking to much into it, but he also told me on Thursday that I am the total opposite from what he is used to dating. I am a size 0-3 and the smallest girl he says was 5/6 that he has ever been with. And his X was a size 11. So.....I said, "you say it like it is a bad thing" He is like, no, I thought you can't always date the same style. So....I wont see him again until next weekend when I stay there for the weekend. Do you think I am looking WAY to much into this, or do you think he is being distant to keep his options open for someone else. I have asked him out right, and he says it bothers the heck out of him when I say stuff like that. So I TRY not to fret over it. Of course having a trust issue goes along with my X. But I just want to know what everyone else thinks. I know when I asked him on Friday if he missed me, cuz I missed him. He said, "No, you don't give me any time to, just kidden" So I am TRYING to make him miss me by not contacting him today. But it is absolutely killing me. I just wonder if he had a date and ended up at the house with her, and I will NEVER know.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Sun, 06-01-2008 - 6:06pm
I do agree with you stating that I need to do things for myself. I tend to forget about me, and try and please everyone around me in what they expect from me. Also, as far as the commitment before compatibility. I am a bit confused there. I went into this from the start not wanting to really even give him a chance. He persued me, and told me how he wanted a serious relationship...nothing casual..He wanted someone with kids, because they understand the whole thing with you can't "jump" every time you have an offer to go somewhere, etc etc. He also told me that if I needed a place to stay anytime that I can, blah blah blah. He was the one looking towards the future. I went into this thinking I will NEVER want to get married, or even have a serious boyfriend again. he knew how I felt etc etc. I finally gave into him, and told him my guard was let down and I would give him a try. He kept telling me how he knows what kinda girl I am and that I will break HIS heart. Blah blah blah. I guess I am a bit confused on how guys verse women think. I think for the future ALWAYS. I don't want to waste my time on someone or something if it isn't going to be around in the future. That is how I have always done relationships. I would have stayed with my husband if it wasn't for the physical abuse. I also met him, got involved quickly and we were 6hrs away. Dated 6months, and he got hurt at work and needed at home care. I moved in with him basically to care for him. So anyways, it does work, and can work.....however....I just want the communicaton more open. Tell me what you want, and I will do it type of thing. You need space, tell me, you want me to bug you,again, tell me. He started the relationship out saying how "cute" it was that if he didn't respond to me I immediately thought something had happened. LOL Anyways, thanks for the advice.

Pages