Need some advice please

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2008
Need some advice please
5
Mon, 02-18-2008 - 5:21pm

Well, here's a little background info before I get into everything (in other words, prepare yourself for a long one)...


I've been with my fiance for 6 years now. At the beginning of our relationship, he cheated on me. I was preggo at the time and he was scared and ran. I lost the baby, we worked on our relationship and made several changes, all for the better. I made him earn my trust back and I can honestly say that I trust him, but the past still lingers...although I try to act like it doesn't. We got engaged almost two years ago and are planning on getting married later this year.


We are both very sexual people and there's been a severe decline in that arena. I went off the pill a few months ago and gained about 20 pounds...doesn't help my insecurity issues. My friend had a bad break up with her ex and needed a place to stay until she could find a place of her own. She's great and I of course offered her to stay in our spare room. Well, she's gorgeous; thin, very successful, materialistic (but far from a

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 02-18-2008 - 6:53pm

Welcome to the board engagedandconfused08,


I highly recommend the two of you attend premarital counseling and talk about all these things before marriage.


::Not like he wants to be with her, but just not himself...like he's showing off.


This is to get her attention.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 5:38pm

Welcome to the board engagedandconfused08,


I think it is time to sit down with your fiance and have a serious talk about your feelings and what can be done to what can be done to fix the issues in your relationship.


I agree with Carrie that you might want to consider premartial counseling, or at the least down with the priest/minister (who ever will be preforming your wedding) and talk about things (this was required of my cousin by her minister when she got married).

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2008
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 5:45pm

Thanks for all of the advice.


When he got home last night, we had a really long talk and got everything out on the table. He took today off work and we walked on the beach and discussed everything in detail.


Lots of tears and honesty, but we're on the right track.


No more myspace, more attention, date nights and counseling.


I really appreciate all the help and support I got on here!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 12:54pm
Glad things are looking better and glad we could help!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2007
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 10:09pm
I think you should cut your losses while you still can. Sounds like you have a nice friend that you are helping through a tough time, maybe she can help you and you'll both wind up happily every after...with new men.
Your man is definitely up to no good. Your gut is probably telling you what you need to do. Forget about being the couple that everyone loves...they either don't know the real deal, or they aren't telling you what they really see. EIther way, you should probably make the break or get into couple's counseling.