Need some feedback, please.

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Need some feedback, please.
Fri, 09-07-2012 - 12:58pm

My husband and his mom own/run a restaurant. before I went back to work full-time (45 hour work with commute total of ~ 50 hours) and had our daughter, I would help out when they were inbetween staff and needed an extra hand here and there. It has now been a couple of years since I have been back to work and our daughter is a week short of 5 mos. Working full time is already tough becasue I have to be away from her for so long. I look forward to the weekend when I can spend some time with her.

My husband just called and told me that one of his waitresses quit and if I could help them on Sat night and maybe get one of my friends to watch the baby. Instantly I responded. I'm sorry, but I really want to spend time with our daughter. The restaurant is pretty successful and Sats are their busiest day but I know if they dont pack it up, they will be able to manager. Plus I know that after all they have done for this waitress asking her to come in one more day is not the end od the world. Whatever happend to 2 weeks notice. Knowing his mom she got annoyed and told her to piss off... which is not my problem.

My husband is not understand of my not wanting to help and wanting to stay home with our baby. he is angry with me and that hurts me but I feel like this is the right thing to do for me. Am I doing the wrong thing?





Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sun, 09-09-2012 - 2:23pm

This is a family business that you married into.  If that is not what you want leave now.  Playing with the baby is not as important as showing you are with the team.  Resturants etc are 24/7 jobs.  It you are not able to do this then sooner or later it will come to a head.  If is unrealistic to be able to find help that quickly and new help needs to be trained.   Can't do that in a couple of hours.

  Now I have worked these jobs and know couples who do.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
Sat, 09-08-2012 - 4:07pm

I had experience with a family restaurant a long time ago.  Unfortunately it is an industry that does not allow for putting family first.  And if you marry into this industry it is simply fact.  Divorce rates and substance abuse rates are extremely high and it's no wonder.

It is virtually required that family kick in whenever necessary regardless of how tired you are or whatever priorities you think you have.  You drag yourself there.  Hiring and training service staff and immediately putting them on a Sat. night shift can be financially detremental.  So quibbling about $3 rates is pointless.  Good customer service is priceless.  A new server will not know the menu, be able to work effectively with the back of the house (kitchen staff), and cannot be fully trusted yet to not rip you off.  Two weeks notice is not the norm either.  Most owners don't want that because you never know how a server who is leaving will treat customers. 

I know it's tough with a baby, but this is what was signed up for.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sat, 09-08-2012 - 2:41pm

Whether or not a waitress and a babysitter earn the same wage, it's obviously a lot easier to ask your wife to take a shift than to hire and train a waitress.  I agree that the OP does plenty already, and should be able to stay home with the baby, but it's not surprising that her husband hasn't considered that things have changed since he became a father.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sat, 09-08-2012 - 1:05pm

Yeah but waitresses only make like 3 bucks or less an hour, they survive on their tips, which don't come out of the owners pockets. Don't know what the going rate is for a sitter these days as my kids are grown, but it's probably at least 3 bucks an hour.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Fri, 09-07-2012 - 8:18pm

femcat, I'm not familiar with US wages, but I would imagine that a sitter and a casual waitress would cost similar amounts.   Considering that the money needs to be spent on one or the other, it makes sense to get a casual waitress than to have you away from your child.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 09-07-2012 - 4:40pm

And I would imagine if he's at the business a lot that you are probably the one doing most of the housework as well as the FT job and baby care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 09-07-2012 - 3:02pm

She's not playing--she's taking care of their baby.  And this is not her family business-it's his.  I could understand wanting to help out but she's a new mom & already working a full time job.  That should really be enough. 

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Fri, 09-07-2012 - 2:02pm
You can't have time back with your daughter once it is gone. You have to spend the time with her now, soon she will grow out of infancy, toddler, etc. His business will not live or die on you being there or not being there on Saturday..
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 09-07-2012 - 1:21pm
Since you already work full time with a 5 mo. old baby, I'd say your doing enough as it is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Fri, 09-07-2012 - 1:21pm

I would ask him which has a higher level of responsibility, writing down someone's food order, turning it in to the kitchen, then delivering it to the table or caring for a rather helpless, living human being who is also HIS daughter?

Hire the 'babysitter' for the night and have her serve food at the restuarant.