need some help

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2007
need some help
13
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 1:10pm

I need some advice and an ear as I have no one else to talk too. 10/03 me and my ex-h split (he walked out because he wanted his other women). A month or so after he left I met someone else and we were doing good together. Then the ex-h found out that I was with someone (mind you, he was with many and during that time that he was doing this) and he decided that he wanted to start trouble for us/me. He kept saying that he would change if I would get back together with him (he was with some as he was telling me this), I refused and he got mad at me and would do and say whatever he could to get me back. Over 2 years ago I did something with him, not because I wanted to but because I was always threatened (no this is not an excuse this is what always happened during the marriage and I was scared of him), but also during this I was with this other person. I did not want him to be hurt, but my ex-h thought it was funny and said that he would use it against me so I could not be with anyone. (I'm trying to explain this as best as I can) I was and am extremely upset about what happened. I filed for a divorce from him as I finally had the guts and courage to do so. But because of what happened me and the person that I (I think) am with have had a hard time, from argueing to fighting being accused and so on. When I filed the paperwork I had my phone number changed and changed my e-mail address, I did give them to the person that I am with. I would get letters in the mail from the ex-h saying how pi**ed he was at me because I did this and that he would still start trouble with me, he did a lot of harrassing. I have not had any contact with my ex-h at all and in any way. The last time that I had to be around him was during court for the finalization for the divorce. Every so often my current will keep asking me if I am in contact with him and I will tell him no, because I'm not. I keep my e-mail (I only have one account as I need nothing more) open and I have my phone open, I have nothing to hide. Well when he gets in these moods when he asks me this he won't beleive a word that I say then he will be mean, rude and have a cocky attitude when talks to me and then he will not talk to me for days on end. When he does talk to me he will tell me that he loves me and so on. Now this current one, he called me from break the other day and I didn't answer the phone because I was talking to a friend (from back in HS) of mine that lives 2 hours away and is female, she's the only one that I EVER talk to and that's maybe 5-6 times a month if that. So he called me after work that night but again I didn't answer the phone because I was sleeping I have to get up early to get the kids off to school so I'm in bed by 8:30. Then yesterday he didn't call and come over like he usually does until about 15 min before work. He starts with his cocky attitude (that's when I know he's mad at me about something, even if I didn't do anything wrong or I don't know about what's going on) and he asks me again if I am talking to him again and I said no, again I'm not lieing, and he said that he had a dream that I was and I said it's probably because you didn't get ahold of me yesterday when you called (I have feelings like that too with him even) then he says to me, no I don't think so. So that was the last time that I heard from him, again he won't talk to me for a few days while I sit here and try figure out what I did again that I don't know about but appearently he does. I swear on my and my kids lives that I'm not doing anything wrong nor have I been. I'm sick and tired of being basically accused of doing something and then being treated like that when I know for a fact that nothing is going on. Everything was fine and was going good for awhile now until this happened the other day. I don't want to lose this person as he is a good person otherwise but I just want this to stop. I want to scream at the top of my lungs and say "I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING!". If I were to do something like this to him he would get defensive and say that if I don't trust him then I shouldn't be with him (yes there's this female at his work that he talks to that I'm having a hard time with, and that I have dreams that he is doing something with her) and then he wouldn't talk to me again. He's not open with his e-mail or phone like I am, but I never had any reason from the day that I met him to not trust him in that way. He says that I don't understand what I did to him and how he feels, YES I DO!

What I want to know is, what do I do? How can I get him to understand that I have no contact with ex-h, I have no need or interest in it whats-so-ever. When I say that I'm not talking to the ex-h I really mean it. I went through so much with him that it really damaged me and I don't want to put myself through it again. (He, ex-h,was emotionally, physically, verbally, and sexually abusive towards me.)

Sorry that this is so long and that it bounces around, I'm not very good at writing things out and them being straight.

Also yes I feel horrible about what happened that's why I have been doing everything that I can to try and help things. I cry about it almost every night, it sits heavy on me. I don't know what to do anymore.




Edited 4/26/2007 1:22 pm ET by secretsoul

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Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: secretsoul
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 12:25pm
OOOHHH!! Thank you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
In reply to: secretsoul
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 6:08pm
In the first post she stated that she did something with her ex out of fear (while she was with this current guy) and he used it against her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2007
In reply to: secretsoul
Sun, 04-29-2007 - 7:37pm
HI SECRETSOUL, WHEN YOU NO THAT YOUR FRIEND SUPECT YOU OF TALKING TO YOUR X THEN ANSWER THE PHONE.

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