need some relationship advice
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need some relationship advice
| Sat, 06-23-2007 - 3:41am |
me and my now ex fiance andrew as of yesterday had been together for a year and some odd months and at the beginning things were going really good we never argued about anything i always opened up to him and told him how i was feeling.. well about 11 months ago i had went to a party and met a guy who i totally lusted over he was good looking could make me laugh and we had alot of common intrest we then met up again about a week later at another party and we ended up sleeping together..after i had realized what i had done i called andrew and told him we then broke up for about a month..and then got back together and i had heard about 3 or 4 different girls he had selpt with to try and get back at me which it completly tore me apart well we sat and talked about it and decided to move on from the situation..i then moved in with him about 5 months later and things were going really good well it then got to the point to where we were around eachother so much that we would fight about anything and everything well it then got to the point to where we would start throwing past partners in eachother's faces and things we have done wrong it also got to the point of not only verbally abusing one another it recently became physical so after that if a argument would strike up i would walk away and not say anything which would seem to make the situation worse and he says i push him away because i don't open up to him like i use to...and i told him the reason i don't do that anymore is because he makes me feel as if im not good enough i constantly hear your boobs aren't big enough your ass isn't big enough and your stomach isn't small enough and i say i weigh 135 lbs and feel comfortable but i have heard it so much to where it would make me feel so insecure that i wouldn't eat for days and if i did it would be something like a banana or something light well yesterday he came home and decided that he needed space that he wasn't ready to be tide down that he wanted some alone time and there was so much more life ahead of him but he said that we weren't offically broken up that he just needed alone time so he moved out and moved in with his brother and im currently still stayin with his mom...and its so hard to think about when all the time we were together through everything grant the fact that i have tried to open up to him but he says its not the same that im not the same girl that he knew at the beginning he has always been so controling i quit talking to all my friends i lost contact with family that he didn't want me to talk to it seemed as if i always gave him what he wanted but there was no me...and i tried to talk to him about it and he said that i have already made up my mind about everything..without talking to me but at times i have broke it off with him i talked to him about it first...i guess im really confused about where i should go with the situation and i would really appriciate any feed back on how to go about this situation like if i should move on or should i step back and wait..the last time this happened i left and moved back in with a family member and was working actually happy again and then he called me at work and we started talking again and it seems as if we go through the same thing every couple months and i think the only reason i stick with him is because i love him to death and i would do anything to make him happy and i've been with him for so long and have always said i don't want to be with anyone but you...he use to always say the same thing but i don't know this time.. plz help in anyway you can thank you so much

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Hi I am really surprised that you don't have a whole string of responses to your post! Hopefully others will answer.
You know, you are in a classic situation of an abusive relationship. You can still get out of it and my advice to you is RUN don't walk. Get away from him. You say you love him and maybe so, but if it's physical now (the fighting and verbal stuff) just wait until you are trapped being pregnant and you have to take that abuse plus you are stuck with kids too from him. Please get out while you have a chance and can make a new life for yourself. But I would caution you about sleeping with people you do not know well because you might catch someting. Take the relationships slower if you know what I mean.
He is abusing you. That is crazy that you try to be thin and don't eat to please this man. That is not love. This is a relationship that he is trying to control you. He is eating away at your self esteem. You had an involvement with the man at the party because deep down I think you know your subconsious wants you to leave him.
Move out and get the job and make a new life and try to move on. A better life will be there for you but it's up to you to move on and begin it. Enough is enough. Good Luck. Rifka
You need to move out of his mom's house and either stay with your relative or a friend until you can get your feet on the ground. This man is not the right guy for you. I agree with the other poster. This is the beginning of the violence, meds or no meds.
He will just hurt you worse if you take him back. Have the courage to leave him this time. I left a man like that once too. I found someone soooo much better. It takes guts but you can do it. Call a friend, and arrange to stay there for a while. Then try to make a new life for yourself. His mom is right. He has hurt you enough. enough is enough. Don't take him back no matter how sweet he is or how much he cries. he is a loser and you are a winner. You will be OK. Remember. The Lord helps those who help themselves. So take the first step to help yourself and call a friend to stay with. You may love him but I agree you need to love yourself and your future more. Hugs Rifka
Hi browneyedbabi,
I wish you the best. I am glad that you are going to take time to find yourself. I hope you are able to move out of that house soon. It is so hard to pick yourself up after someone has broken you down. Please keep your head up. This is really the time to journal. It is easy to forget why you need to leave the situation. Don't let him turn this around on you and keep playing with your emotions. I hope you do go back to school since that is something it sounds like you want to do. As hard as it may be, try to write 3 positive things about yourself daily. Remember it took time for him to break you down, it will take some time to build yourself back up. Don't beat yourself up.
I hope this helps.
Hi browneyedbabi,
Try to start simple with your positive things. Notice the simple things. For example I woke up today. You are smart enough to talk to others so you are not alone. Start small with your positive things. I will give you some positives. You are so brave and honest. You are able to express yourself and speak honestly about your relationship. Some people would not be able to deal with the truth.
Try to do things for yourself that make you happy. Reading a good book, cooking, or working out. Again, it took time to break you down, it will take time to build you back up.
Hi, browneyedbabi,
I really don't think it is a good idea for you to be sleeping with your ex. Sex buddies almost never work out. You have way to many feelings involved to think you can leave it at that. Are you really going to let him use you for sex? While you are wasting your time on him you are missing out of nice stable men. Don't lose focus and focus on yourself. Move in with your cousin and find yourself. Yes, he is acting all nice and sweet but that won't last. Did you think that he might have just been horny last night.
If you two have not used condoms in over a year why does he suddenly have them? You should wonder who else he is sleeping with. YOU deserve better and don't forget it. Move on and start loving yourself again. You are no good to anyone if you don't love yourself.
Just imagine how you will feel when he brings home another girl and starts dating her. Once he no longer needs you for easy ass what is going to happen? Has he made any attempt to contact you? It sounds like you put yourself in a situation that you knew would put you two together. He has treated you like crap and made you look stupid and he got rewarded with sex. Sorry, if it sounds harsh but you know it is true.
Remember this sex does not equal love or a relationship. Sometimes sex just means sex. Having sex with him 7 days a week will not make him your boyfriend or husband. Sex will not make him love or respect you. It is time to really move on.
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