need some relationship advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2007
need some relationship advice
11
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 3:41am
me and my now ex fiance andrew as of yesterday had been together for a year and some odd months and at the beginning things were going really good we never argued about anything i always opened up to him and told him how i was feeling.. well about 11 months ago i had went to a party and met a guy who i totally lusted over he was good looking could make me laugh and we had alot of common intrest we then met up again about a week later at another party and we ended up sleeping together..after i had realized what i had done i called andrew and told him we then broke up for about a month..and then got back together and i had heard about 3 or 4 different girls he had selpt with to try and get back at me which it completly tore me apart well we sat and talked about it and decided to move on from the situation..i then moved in with him about 5 months later and things were going really good well it then got to the point to where we were around eachother so much that we would fight about anything and everything well it then got to the point to where we would start throwing past partners in eachother's faces and things we have done wrong it also got to the point of not only verbally abusing one another it recently became physical so after that if a argument would strike up i would walk away and not say anything which would seem to make the situation worse and he says i push him away because i don't open up to him like i use to...and i told him the reason i don't do that anymore is because he makes me feel as if im not good enough i constantly hear your boobs aren't big enough your ass isn't big enough and your stomach isn't small enough and i say i weigh 135 lbs and feel comfortable but i have heard it so much to where it would make me feel so insecure that i wouldn't eat for days and if i did it would be something like a banana or something light well yesterday he came home and decided that he needed space that he wasn't ready to be tide down that he wanted some alone time and there was so much more life ahead of him but he said that we weren't offically broken up that he just needed alone time so he moved out and moved in with his brother and im currently still stayin with his mom...and its so hard to think about when all the time we were together through everything grant the fact that i have tried to open up to him but he says its not the same that im not the same girl that he knew at the beginning he has always been so controling i quit talking to all my friends i lost contact with family that he didn't want me to talk to it seemed as if i always gave him what he wanted but there was no me...and i tried to talk to him about it and he said that i have already made up my mind about everything..without talking to me but at times i have broke it off with him i talked to him about it first...i guess im really confused about where i should go with the situation and i would really appriciate any feed back on how to go about this situation like if i should move on or should i step back and wait..the last time this happened i left and moved back in with a family member and was working actually happy again and then he called me at work and we started talking again and it seems as if we go through the same thing every couple months and i think the only reason i stick with him is because i love him to death and i would do anything to make him happy and i've been with him for so long and have always said i don't want to be with anyone but you...he use to always say the same thing but i don't know this time.. plz help in anyway you can thank you so much

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2007
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 1:35pm
yes well i guess he got it off his brother ..and i did think about why he had one..but then i didn't think about it i told him that i was done and i was going to move on but he talk to me and said that he didn't want to loose me that he loved me and cared about me and always will and said that he didn't have sex with anyone else that he never wants to and made a comment as too if you leave me for good i will never be with another girl...its just right now you need to get yourself on track and your not going to do it when im around because you depend on me too much..and i have come to realize that i have and i shouldn't..i did sit and talk to his step brother about it for like 3 hours and he doesn't like me around him because he feels that me and his step brother are atracked to eachother and i said i don't like him like that and never will thats your brother and im not like that...well he threated his step brother for being around me said he was going to beat his ass and i said that he is over reachting about the situation...he then came over last night and tried to get me to eat dinner with him but i didn't he said that i needed to eat because i have only eatin 2 times since last thursday and he says i can see a difference in your weight and its not good and i said you know i get like this when im under alot of stress and i said besides i ate a little something and i am good and he kept trying to tell me to eat but even the thought of food makes me feel like im going to puke..so i drink alot of water and koolaid and i go walking which im suprised he could tell a difference so i weighed myself and i have dropped 5 pounds in 6 days which is something i only did when i had the flu really bad but that was like 4 years ago he then said i love you the way you are...i said wow its nice to know you can tell me these things when we aren't living together... he still calls me and we talk he still says i love you and everything like he use to its just were not engaged but he claims to everyone we are still together but its back to boyfriend and girlfriend..which i told him this is the LAST time i let him do this but before i ever do anything with him again hes got to prove his self to me as i need to prove im serious about everything too...i think carrie was right that i do want to leave him subconsiously but there is something that is keeping me here all i heard from his brother yesterday you know your not happy with him and you know you need to leave him and get your life back on track like it was before you met him your smart, beautiful, very atractive, you have a killer personality, you are vocal, you say what you believe in, you tell it like it is...but when he comes around your not happy and you know it and everyone sees that when im around his step brother im all happy and everything and i say its not because i like him like that but because hes always been there for me when i needed someone to talk to and he always reminds me that i deserve better and makes me feel good and confident about myself which is something andrew doesn't do..when we had sex neither of us looked at it as just sex. it was weird cause he knew that i was on my period about a week ago and we never really have sex the week or so after cause of ovulation but its like hes trying to get me pregnant to keep me with him..because he made a comment like it would be wrong if you do come up pregnant and come after me for child support and i said i would never do that unless i felt he wasn't providing and taking care of his part as a father.. but i told him that was the last time until we can learn to talk without fighting and everything...im actually trying to talk to him about couples counsling should i or should i just leave him and go on about my life the weird thing is we get along better when we aren't living together..but when we live together we fight i just think right now we both need to work on ourselves and whatever happens happens thanks again


Edited 6/26/2007 2:14 pm ET by browneyedbabi

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