Need some sex advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2007
Need some sex advice!
7
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 7:32pm
Hello.
My husband and i have been together for four years total. We are so in love but just one thing is missing. SEX! We do it at least 3 times a week but lets just say the quality isn't the best for me. Everything is great for him. About 3 years ago I had some surgery down in my girly area, after that i couldn't do it for about 3 weeks. When we finally did it was the worst pain in the world. Needless to say i have had only a hand full of times since then that i actually enjoyed sex. I enjoy giving him oral and other thing like that but when it comes to sex and me, we just don't click. I love my husband very much and i know he want me to enjoy sex just as much as him but for some reason i don't. Before the surgery everything was wonderful. We were like rabbits. But now....hmmm. I need some help. Does anyone have any tips to i quess awaken me and my desires? Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 6:53am
What does your doctor say about this? You won't be able to resolve the issue until you've ruled out possible physical problems, and there's no way we can help you with those. You may have residual effects from the surgery that could be corrected very easily. Please call to make an appointment today.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2007
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 8:52am
I have spoken with my doctor many times about this. I was even on medications for awhile. It didn't help. My doctor said it was more than likely a mental thing. That when it becomes time to be intimate my memory goes back to the time after my surgery and i remember the pain and all that i went through after. I have seen someone about my mental disposition. they said that i was depressed and that i needed medication. I am NOT depressed. I am happy with my life. I am not lazy, i socialize, i excersize, i garden,i meditate, i spend time with friends and family. Also didn't want to be medicated with pills that wouldn't make me feel like myself. A friend of mine suggested some time "alone with myself". Well, that is a work in progress. I guess like i said i need some tips and advice. I am working on my mental disposition. It is also a work in progress. I am trying to make new and good memories of intimacy with my husband. I just need some help.
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 9:59am

It's possible that there may be a physical, medical component to this problem. Firstly, I'd check with a medical doctor. If there is no physical reason, then there are underlying psychological causes, either as a result of the surgery (surgery can bring up psychological issues in its wake), or just in general, that you are not aware of. If you once did enjoy sex, you can again. I'd go to a medical doctor to check and if there's no physical issue I'd find a good therapist and sit down and work it out.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2007
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 4:43pm
Like Said before all they want to do is medicate me and say that i am depressed. I know that i am not because i function normally in all the other aspects of my life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sat, 07-21-2007 - 7:18am

I'm really sorry, but this is a serious problem, and tips and tricks are out of place here. We have no tips that will get you past this obstacle to a happy sex life. If you have been to several doctors, and they all say the same thing, then there are a few possibilities:

1. You aren't functioning as normally as you think you are, and it shows to everyone but you (or it shows to people, like doctors, who aren't with you all the time)

2. There is a hierarchy of treatments that has to be worked through to find one that will help you, and you are short-circuiting the process by refusing the first step.

3. It's beyond your doctor's ability to handle, and you need a referral to a specialist.

I sincerely encourage you to go back to the doctor and ask about these possibilities. If you have the kind of doctor who brushes off your questions, get another one. You need a physician who will be your partner in solving this very difficult problem.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2007
Sat, 07-21-2007 - 8:50am

Well. thanks but no thanks.

I went to a non medical hypotherapist last night. She was spectacular. she tought me how to channel my thoughts and feeling. she also gave me some mental excercises that would help me during my meditation time. in otherwords i had good sex last night, not great but its getting there. thanks, but i don't do doctors. all they want is to sell medications. I ended up getting tumors because i listen to a doc years ago. i don't think docs are the answer to everything. i like the more natural options.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 10:19am
As long as it's working for you, that's great. Hypnotherapy can be very helpful--I know people who have used it to stop smoking. Whether you want to do medications or not, my primary point was that this is not a problem that can appropriately be dealt with on a message board. I'm glad you've found a face-to-face approach that is helping you.