'Need Space' or 'On a Break' same thing?
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| Tue, 05-08-2007 - 1:29pm |
ust wondered if you guys had any thoughts on this..
Things have been scrambly with my boyfriend that past few months. a few days ago, (after arguing and not speaking for five days), he suggested that we 'need a break' and that he just needed some space until exams are over/ for a month/ INDEFINITE! (Quite annoying- i think because of his degree exams stress, he is just so jumbled).
We are totally in love, and he made it clear, it was not that he didnt want to be with me, he wants to marry me, build a life together. He said, if there was a dotted line he had to sign that minute that would mean he would be with me the rest of his life, he would do it in a n instant. This is why, though i have heard, tat many times ' on a break' means,'i wanna screw aroun/ see whats better out there', i dont think its the case..i hope not.
He also said he loved me so much, he has never loved anbody this much in his whole entire life, its actually ' comical' how much he loves me (i thought this was a weird expression to use!-maybe he thinks he is being made a fool of, because he feels its not reciprocated lately?) and he just feels so lonely at the moment..i forgot a major exam date and have been a pretty rubbish gilfriend..not being supportive when he needed it so badly, instead sending him a msg saying that i felt unloved, and that i didnt expect him to understad, but maybe it was best waiting til exams were over til i contacted him (i guess my version of ' space'?!)
He also said " i just think, if our relationship is a six out of ten now, if we carry on and dont solve anything, bc we both have no time to devote to it at the moment, it will become a three out of a ten a month down the line, whereas if we just have a bit of time / space whatever, we can start somewhere better".
We are totally in love, and i am really trying to deal with the hurt the best i can. I am really just so confused about what he wants..or what ever the definition of space/ on a break means.. I do not want to crowd him, or pressure him into getting back with me , just because i love him. So I have not really contacted him, and dont plan to, until sunday, when i will leave some flowers on his doorstep to say good luck for his last exam on monday.
Do you think its ok for couples to take a breather? Im just so scared that because he has felt he hasnt been supported/ loved by me, he is going to resort to other things. i.e. going out for a dinner with some girl who asked him last week, and he told me it was the first time he'd ever considered it in our relationship, because he was just so lonely, and had such a void he craved to be filled. Bear in mind, this was in our five days of non-speaking time.
I so hope things will slowly slowly take form.. I am so looking forward to making our relationship the best it could be, and progressing in some way. This boy is my absolute all. I think the world of him, and it makes me cry to think that he believes otherwise lately.

Welcome to the board sexlikediamonds,
I don't think needing space and being on a break are the same thing. To me needing space means the person needs a little bit of "me" time but still wants to be in the relationship. Being on a break means they don't want a committed relationship at the time and all the pressures/responsibility that come with being in a committed relationship.
Since his finals are almost over, you should be able to talk to him about what he wants to do about your relationship.
glitter-graphics.com
"We are totally in love, and he made it clear, it was not that he didnt want to be with me, he wants to marry me, build a life together."
"He also said he loved me so much..."
"We are totally in love, and i am really trying to deal with the hurt the best i can."
Okay...so if he loves you so much and you are totally in love....why the need for a break? I think you need to look into what is really going on in your relationship and not what you are wishing for.
It sounds like something is not right with your relationship and if he really wants to marry you, then you should be working it out and not taking a break. Yes, giving someone space when they need it and giving them support when they need it is very important, but that is not the same as a break in my opinion.
YOu don't take a break from someone you are totally in love with...it doesn't work that way. Relationships are hard work and marriage can be even harder-especially with kids. IT takes effort and work with two people coming together to make things better.
"He suggested that we 'need a break' and that he just needed some space until exams are over/ for a month/ INDEFINITE! (Quite annoying- i think because of his degree exams stress, he is just so jumbled)." I don't mean to be blunt, but this does not sound like a guy that is 'totally in love' or wants to marry you. I don't think he is 'so jumbled' and you need to stop justifying his words and really look at what his actions are saying. I would focus on you and your life right now and give him the space he is asking for.
"Do you think its ok for couples to take a breather?"
Space is part of a relationship that ebbs and flows within the relationship. But taking a breather happens outside the relationship and thus, you really are not a couple during that time...IMHO> It sounds like you both need a breather to figure out what you and he both want. What he wants may be different from what you want.
To me, this sounds like someone who does not want a committed relationship with you, and doesn't really know how to say so. He doesn't want to hurt your feelings, and doesn't want to burn any bridges, so he's sort of keeping you on the line. Anyone he does see wouldn't be cheating because you are "on a break."
I agree that you need to concentrate on yourself and your life and back off of this guy. He needs to find his head. If he decides he wants you, and you're still available, great.
If not, his loss.
Cat
Mom to 5: DS-17, DD-16, DD-11, DD-9, DS-7
However, as i have left him alone, we obviously havent talked about it, i.e. if he wants to break up. Because, if so, then goodye. Seriously, good bye. If you love me, you cant just drop me like a penny, then pick me back up again when its suitable and convenient for you. So I guess at least i have established that boundary.. He has also set his mypsace status to single..which makes me sad. But if this is what he truly wants, then at least I know what he is truly like. Save myself time in the future. A relationship, as well as love, is damn hard work. You cant just skip off when things get tough. I think he is freaking self-centred actually.