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| Tue, 12-30-2003 - 12:36pm |
Is it normal for ex spouses to get together and do things with their kids (ie-movies) without their new spouses?
My BF does things like this and says its for the kids but I cannot get past my jealousy and thinking its not healthy for the kids.
My BF does things like this and says its for the kids but I cannot get past my jealousy and thinking its not healthy for the kids.

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I think it is okay for a person to still be friends with their Ex.
James
janderson_ny@yahoo.com
CL Ask A Guy
My ex and I get along great. I have no problem with his girlfriend and she is (finally) pleasant to me. Doesn’t mean I want to go see a movie with either of them frankly!!!! He would find it weird too!!
I’m not sure how old the kids you mentioned are, but I don’t think this is something done on the norm….doesn’t mean that its wrong, every parent has to decide what is the best way to handle divorce and children. Maybe they think that this is best????
My concern is not the fact that the go out with the kids to movies, but that they don’t invite the new SO….why not? I would think this would confuse the kids –
Just my thoughts. Raising children after a divorce can get complicated. Sometimes parents “over compensate” and can make it worse.
Talk to your boyfriend – calmly and without accusing him. You don’t thing there is something STILL going on with his ex do you?????
Sorry to ramble – good luck
PlayNICE
I am co cl for "Ask Dr. Ruth" board.
Also, depending on the ages of the kids, this might be feeding their hope that someday their parents will get back together. All kids have this fantasy at one point or another and I personally don't think it's a good thing to send them the wrong message and get their hopes up.
Carrie
No, it's not "normal", and I wouldn't find it acceptable in an SO.
is he your BF or husband? that was not clear from your post. also, how long have you been together with him, do you have kids from a previous marriage, and do his kids live with him or with their mother.
anyway, I don't think its bad or good - i think that each family has to make their decision about what EVERYONE is comfortable with. if you and he are in a committed relationship, and you have a relationship with his kids, then you should be included in outings. I could see the bio-parents geting together for birthday parties, school outings, ball games etc. somehow I don't think i would be comfortable with movies...
Don't be insecure - yes, it's a bit odd and not the norm, but like my brother, perhaps they just want to do right by their children?
Peace - Pebbles
Maybe you could also ask yourself why you have a boyfriend who goes on a date with another woman? Because that is what they did, they went on a date with the kids in tow (not very romantic to see a Disney flick but they were still together) AND she is the other woman.
As I said, I have a brother in this position and I can tell with one hundred percent certainty that when he and his ex-wife are together it is sometimes difficult, but there is NEVER anything romantic going on and neither party (I'm very good friends with his Ex) has ANY intention of EVER getting back together. They are just trying to give their daughter a sense of normalcy and having both her parents in the same place from time to time, which is not encouraging any kind of fantasy.
Don't stir the pot unless you really know what you're talking about.
Peace - Pebbles
A little history:
together 1.6 yrs., living together for 9 months. When we started going out, his ex was living in the basement and sometimes at her BF's. They barely got along then. As soon as she moved out things got a little better. Her and I tried to be friends but currently we are no longer...life got messy and she threw some nasty accusations at me. I personally believe she is not over him and uses the kids as leverage with him. She calls him 2-3 times daily..and he sees her almost everyday because they have joint custody. also she sends him email that has nothing to do with the kids. I know he has no romantic feelings for her but I dont trust her...
Right now she is doing/saying things to him that shes doing just to piss me off. She calls him nicknames, hugs him in front of me...and the constant phoning. It makes me sick. I told him I thought it was excessive...hes not so sure. He thinks I am over-reacting but he is not in my shoes.
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