Need to Vent-Arguing for 5 Days!!!
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| Thu, 08-02-2007 - 11:34am |
My BF & I have been in the middle of a ridiculous argument for the past 5 days! It all started when I got upset over something and blew things out of proportion. I finally decide to apologize and point out the mistake I made, and now he's mad because he feels the whole situation was unnecessary! So now even after I apologize and made amends he's still ticked off at the whole situation! He blew up the other night and started yelling that he was pissed off all because I got mad at something he thought was stupid.
I feel like we're in a never ending cycle! He gets mad and annoyed when I have attitudes or am frustrated! It's like I can't even be mad and get over my emotions and move on because now he's mad that I got mad! We've basically been arguing for the past 5 days and now he's about to go away for the weekend for a bachelor party so we're not going to get the chance to talk and get past this until next week! To be honest, Its sad to say, but I'm actually glad that he's leaving tomorrow and I don't have to see him or talk to him again until Monday!
I just needed to vent! Its so annoying!! I love him dearly and hope we can get past this soon, but I'm more upset now that he's still mad and holding on to this stuff days later!!! Ugh its so frustrating!

You two NEED to learn to communicate with each other right away! Of course you are going to get mad at stuff - and often he's going to think its unnecessary. You probably think his anger at your anger is "stupid" (to use his word - which isn't a very nice one). Here is something my DH taught me...are you treating each other with the same politeness and consideration that you treat your friends/family - even STRANGERS? Its very easy when you spend alot of time together to forget your manners. Even if you start changing, he will respond. My DH & I believe that 'good' arguing is healthy for a r/ship. We get everything out and we never hold onto things. By 'good' I mean: no name calling, time for each other to speak their position, no yelling, no running away (thats mine, I had childhood abandonment issues - you may not need that one :), clearly stating what it is you want. That last one is tough. When you mad/angry - ask youself what it is that you want from your partner? If there is nothing he can say/do/etc to fix this - then maybe you should be working it out by yourself and not bringing him into it. Don't let it escalate. If one partner starts yelling/name calling/etc...the other one has to stay calm and simply point it out. "Do you really want to go there? A yelling match isn't going to resolve this." Often, the other person will calm down and agree with you. If they don't - they say "well, this & well that"...then they aren't being reasonable and you have to say, "Lets not point fingers. Lets talk about solutions."
Its really hard to learn these skills. There are books...I remember one we read called "couple skills". I was a yeller. Whenever I got mad, I'd yell. DH just stayed calm and one day he told me - "I am your partner and deserve more respect than that. I will not be yelled at and given less respect than you give strangers!" I still raise my voice sometimes - but I never YELL anymore. Its taken time...but its so worth it :)
Good luck,
Dee