needed: experienced relationship advice!
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| Sat, 11-10-2007 - 7:09pm |
So... I have been dating this guy for 2 yrs who I am so lucky to be dating! He's the perfect boyfriend and would do anything in the world to make me happy. I am uncomfortable talking with my family and friends about what I am feeling and I feel alone and unsure of how to deal with what I'm going through. So here's the problem....
This is the first real relationship I have been in; my bf has had several serious relationships all that he says ended "mutually"--sure. He is my only sexual partner and I am his 5th. A few months ago, I was diagnosed with hpv (that I got from him but that he didn't know of either). Since then I have had several surgeries to keep the virus from developing into cancer. But ever since this happened, I have looked down on my boyfriend with almost no respect for him.

I understand that must be hard on you. It's difficult not to say to yourself, "what a jerk, because of HIS past I have to go through invasive surgeries and am caused all this trouble"
And yeah... You're partially right. But you should also be aware that men can't really be tested for HPV so there isn't any way he could have warned you. Also, HPV is extremely common in women - more than half the population of women 18+ currently have some form of HPV.
I'm really, really sorry about what you're going through. I hope that in time you can forgive your boyfriend. He probably feels absolutely terrible and guilt-ridden.
Welcome to the board newtoeverything,
Everything you feel is normal... you still have to go through the grieving process of what happened to you (same with death, dying, cancer, any big illness and even break ups) and ANGER is one of the grieving phases.
You wrote: "I did not have unprotected sex"
So I started searching and found this:
"The most common transmission of HPV and cervical dysplasia is through sexual contact. Because HPV may be found on all genital tissue, even a condom will not prevent transmission. The virus may possibly lay dormant for a few years before it shows up in an abnormal Pap or in various forms of warts."
And this:
"Women who smoke have concentrated chemicals such as nicotine and cotinine in their cervix. This weakens the immune system and makes the cells of the cervix more susceptible to developing dysplasia or abnormal precancerous cells. Also, poor nutrition and diets deficient in fresh fruits and vegetables can increase susceptibility to dysplasia. Antioxidants such as vitamin E and beta-carotene are necessary to keep the immune system healthy and fight conditions such as dysplasia."
::is it wrong that I somewhat hold a grudge on him for his past behavior?
You feel what you feel.