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needing advice
| Thu, 09-16-2004 - 3:30am |
hi i really need some advice. last weekend i was at a party and this guy i know kissed me and i kissed him back, after about 5 seconds i realised what was going on and i pushed him away. i got home and called my bf 2 tell him what happened only i under-exaggerated how long it happened for. i ended up telling him that it was a bit longer than that and he now feels like he cant trust me and keeps asking me how i can prove to him that i can. i really do love him and feel awful for making such a stupid mistake which meant nothing, how can i show/tell him that i really will never do it again?????
please please please help, i want my relationship back :(
please please please help, i want my relationship back :(

"Loose lips sink ships!"
While you might have been embarrassed about the prolonged kiss, you would have been better off keeping your mouth shut about the incident....unless....somebody had seen you do it and reported things to your b/f!
The next time your b/f gives you "the 3rd degree" about this, why not turn the tables on him? Ask HIM if he has ever kissed a woman impulsively...and had regrets afterwards? You're either going to get an honest answer (YES) or a lie (NO!). If the man is going to condemn you for kissing someone other than HIMSELF...this might be an indication of how life would be if the 2 of you ever decided to 'play house' together?
Frankly...with your outstanding ivillage profile...it's probably VERY EASY for ANY MAN to gravitate in your direction. Just be careful which ones you choose to...err...kiss in the future, okay?
Pianoguy
Haven't you ever heard of "platonic kissing?" This is an emotion that a lot of men and women go through when we haven't seen someone in quite awhile. It's one step beyond the "hey, it's nice to see you again" idea? Of course...it's a spur of the moment action which many of us don't think about...until later!
Lots of us do things "spur of the moment"---because we're acting on an impulse. Restraint is a better plan, but let's face it..some people don't know the meaning of the word! This is what happens when you act on "impulse!"
Pianoguy definitely DIDN'T give his 100% seal of approval when he learned that this woman had kissed somebody else. I'm in your corner when it comes to trust and fidelity...and when you indicated that her 'emotional response' was improper.
However...this lady seems to be in a relationship with a man who is waiting to "blow up at her" the moment she messes up! She felt badly about "the prolonged kiss" after it was over. But by then...she had told a lot of her friends. Whether this was done for a reaction...or because there was a need on her part to "share the experience"---is a difficult call.
However, I still feel that because this was a "one-time event"---the woman should have kept her mouth shut unless she was confronted by her b/f!
Pianoguy
Like I said, I've never platonically kissed someone like that, so maybe he hasn't we don't know. Maybe he have been completely faithful, platonically and otherwise. I don't know if he was just waiting to blow up either. I know in my experience when things have been going normal and we are happy and he comes along and says "yeah I kissed this chick" I'm not going to just go with the flow. I'll be mad...not waiting to blow up, but he just GAVE me something to get mad about, and I wouldn't trust him for a while either. I'm not saying they should just end it, but if he can't get that trust going, they shouldn't be together. There are no guarantees in life, she could very well kiss another guy, and in my opinion you should never promise anyone that you will never do that, because that's just not realistic...and maybe he'll kiss someone or sleep with someone, but that's why trust is so important you know? No guarantee's mean we should be scared all the time, but if we trust our partner then we shouldn't need a guarantee.
I agree with a lot of what you are saying. I'm just throwing in another point of view.
Lindsay