Needing Advice...
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Needing Advice...
| Thu, 05-06-2004 - 7:34pm |
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years..We have had our ups and downs, mostly good, with one exception to a BIG "down"..I would like to describe him a little bit so everyone has an idea of who I am talking about..He is a responsible, young man, honest(for the most part),fun,loving,caring, a very hard worker, has a lot of friends, and some classify him as the "dorky" type..He thrives on attention..Comments about him such as "you look good",etc..little things like that..
We started out great..Or so i thought...I lived 50 miles away..I moved here to be with him, which we now live together...I love him dearly..And i want to marry him, as he says he does me..We are in the process of buying our first home together..BUT a yr ago, he cheated..This went on for a while..He finally admitted to it after i confronted him, telling him that i knew it for a fact (which i didnt) so it was by total surprise..
Things were great..He told this girl not to talk to him again, as he was in love with me and planned to marry me..But i wonder about that now..
Little things are making me worry..2 little things to be exact..I know its summer and i know colleges are on break..The past two nights, I have been having these dreams that he is cheating on me..Woke up crying both nights, and this morning, I finally asked him..He swears up and down, that he is not..Little things, well, ONE little things, makes me wonder..We do a paper route..Hes been doing it at 5 am..I been sleeping(LOL)..Last night, he said he was going to do it at 5 agian, until i said i was going along..Then he said he wanted to start at 330 am, using the excuse "he wanted to get done early to get some sleep"..THat made me start thinking agian..Is he meeting her?? I am soo scared to lose this man..I love him, but at the same time, I will NOT go through him cheating again..Last time, I couldnt take it hardly, let alone a second time..There is no way..I dont think he will admit to it this time, if he is, because i directly told him "if you are messing around,I am leaving you"..I think he screwed up once, that was enough..I want to marry him..He knows this and says he wants to marry me also..
Is this just me worrying to much?? what should i do?? My self-esteem has totally dropped..Alot of things bothering me..I have gained alot of weight, and i know that is partly the reason we hardly ever have sex anymore..I am down on myself, but taking it out on everyone else, including him, i think..I am lazy lately..Wont do anything..Not even get up to pick up the house or feed the cats..He does it..
Can anyone give me any advice on some way I can organize all of this..And repair our realationship and also, repair myself?? I would really appreciate it..
Thank You
We started out great..Or so i thought...I lived 50 miles away..I moved here to be with him, which we now live together...I love him dearly..And i want to marry him, as he says he does me..We are in the process of buying our first home together..BUT a yr ago, he cheated..This went on for a while..He finally admitted to it after i confronted him, telling him that i knew it for a fact (which i didnt) so it was by total surprise..
Things were great..He told this girl not to talk to him again, as he was in love with me and planned to marry me..But i wonder about that now..
Little things are making me worry..2 little things to be exact..I know its summer and i know colleges are on break..The past two nights, I have been having these dreams that he is cheating on me..Woke up crying both nights, and this morning, I finally asked him..He swears up and down, that he is not..Little things, well, ONE little things, makes me wonder..We do a paper route..Hes been doing it at 5 am..I been sleeping(LOL)..Last night, he said he was going to do it at 5 agian, until i said i was going along..Then he said he wanted to start at 330 am, using the excuse "he wanted to get done early to get some sleep"..THat made me start thinking agian..Is he meeting her?? I am soo scared to lose this man..I love him, but at the same time, I will NOT go through him cheating again..Last time, I couldnt take it hardly, let alone a second time..There is no way..I dont think he will admit to it this time, if he is, because i directly told him "if you are messing around,I am leaving you"..I think he screwed up once, that was enough..I want to marry him..He knows this and says he wants to marry me also..
Is this just me worrying to much?? what should i do?? My self-esteem has totally dropped..Alot of things bothering me..I have gained alot of weight, and i know that is partly the reason we hardly ever have sex anymore..I am down on myself, but taking it out on everyone else, including him, i think..I am lazy lately..Wont do anything..Not even get up to pick up the house or feed the cats..He does it..
Can anyone give me any advice on some way I can organize all of this..And repair our realationship and also, repair myself?? I would really appreciate it..
Thank You

You have every reason to wonder what your bf's motive's really are when he insists on doing the paper route early. You know that he cheated once before. That's a natural suspicion to have. But do not allow it to create misery. You have made it clear what you will do if he cheats again. If you forgive him, then you must trust it won't happen again. If you suspect, then you must have a reason to feel this way. You cannot spent your time wondering if he's being faithful.
Your bf cheated for very specific reasons. I think it's rather curious you mentioned some consider him the dorky type. Perhaps your bf sort of 'came into his own' by cheating. Perhaps he felt he could do it. He had a woman, and had another. Was it something he felt the need to do to prove himself as a man-to himself? Cheating cetainly doesn't make anyone more of a man or woman. But, the whole act of deception, cheating, and possibly getting away with it can make a person previously classified as a dork, or social underachiever, seem bigger than life himself.
Have a sit-down with your bf. Present the things you plan on doing to improve your self image, and explain to him what part he plays in all this. Tell him what he means to you. Ask him what you mean to him. Then decide where you want the relationship to go. Communicate that and get his feedback. You were strong enough to confront him when you felt something was wrong the time he cheated. Surely you have it in your heart to confront him to make everything right.
Don't feel down on yourself because the circumstances of your life don't seem perfect.I honestly don't think you should blame yourself in any way, or feel you're taking things out on others. When you feel you're taking things out on others, explain to them why you're saying or doing what you're doing. The people around you are your support system and hopefully will lend an ear.
Above all, feel obligated to YOURSELF and help yourself before you try to save anything else in your life.
Heartfelt Best Wishes