needing space

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2004
needing space
3
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 4:29am
I have been seeing a friend now for 4 and a half months. We began emailimg each other 2 months before we met...we told all, and agreed to meet. At first we dated, seeing each other on weekends, and he called me every day. About 2 months into the relationship he wanted me at his place daily.....then a couple weeks ago he came up with "I need some space, I am not ready to hook up, I just came out of a bad relationship" I was confused.

He has been divorced 5 times, the last marriage left him homeless, penniless, and jobless. She was an abusive alcoholic whom he trusted and he tried so hard to make it work. he is deeply in debt, and had recently gotten hired full time where he was a temp for 6 months. He works long hours, has a few health concerns, and is stressed. However he calls me every evening when he gets home ,before he gets ready for bed. We talk for nearly an hour at a time...he takes me dancing on weekends,wants to take more dance lessons, wants to tutor me if I take up nursing school and shows public displays of affection. Is this behavior normal ? He calls me his girlfriend , but feels he needs to do some boy things like playing soccer with the kids in the park, or shooting hoops, or riding his bike more. He has been very open with me on his financial status, trusts me in every way.....Do we have a chance? Is he afraid of jumping in too soon?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: blondie525
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 9:54am
Relationships go through phases. As far as yours in general, I think it's too soon to tell if it's going to last "forever" but it seems to be going fine now. Your both open and honest with each other and see each other on weekends and talk everyday. He has a lot on his plate and is stressed and has been burned several times in the past so it was/is probably better that he have a little time to himself (ie: suggesting not coming over *EVERY* day). I personally don't see anything wrong with this relationship. And as far as him going out to play scoccer and b'ball, my husband does that all the time - and he still calls me his wife (LOL). You can be gf & bf and not have to spend every waking moment together. As for my husband, tennis and running and football etc are just benificial ways of releasing stress. Sometimes I go with him and sometimes I don't. There's nothing wrong with it. If I were you I wouldn't worry and I wouldn't rush. You still have plenty of time to just let him adjust to new things and get used to being with someone not like his last wife.

Best wishes....

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
In reply to: blondie525
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 3:47pm

Listen to yourself hun....he needs space cuz he just got out of a bad relationship?It sounds like he's had about five of those already!You say he's in debt and in por health....


With that said, he is in no condition to be commiting to anyone, the man cant even commit to himself. He is afraid of commitment, hence the 5x divorce...and he doesnt care about his own health, let alone have the ability to care about someone elses. His debt, which if you ever were to marry, would be your debt, sounds like enough stress alone to hender any healthy relationship.


Basically, Its obvious that you care, and that he cares for you. However, I think it would be your best interest to not get involved with this type of individual.


Best wishes,


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
In reply to: blondie525
Sat, 05-29-2004 - 12:04pm
I think there are some warning signs you need to be looking at and not worrying about the space issue. He has been divorced 5 times?? Why was he attracted to an abusive woman and why didn't he learn about healthy and dysfunctional relationships the first 4 times? This doesn't even count the relationships he has had that didn't turn into marriage.