needing to vent

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2011
needing to vent
5
Thu, 06-23-2011 - 9:10am

Hi, im new to message board but wanted to express myself to others who can relate with what im going through. Here's my story. I recently seperated from my husband of 14 years. He decided one day that he no longer wanted to be with me because his feelings have changed for me. He claims that I wasn't there for him like I should have been and blames the reason for his feelings on that. I understand that couples go through things in a marriage but i never thought it was that bad for us. He says he tried to tell me how he felt for a while but i never got it. I never recall his expressing his feeling with me like that for such a serious matter. Maybe when we had arguments thats about it but nothing where we sat down and tried to work on it. Needless to say i later found out that he had become friends with a lady co worker and they have since become close. He claims he never meant for it to come to that (him developing feelings for her, but she was there to talk to him during that time) He has also decided to leave our home and move in with this women. I'm heartbroken and can't understand how someone who claims to love you and never leave you would do something like this. I feel like my whole world has fall down before me. I still love my husband and am having a very difficult time. Any thoughts or opinions would be great. Sometimes just an outside opinion or kind word can help. Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Thu, 06-23-2011 - 9:25am

Friend823-

Hi. Sorry to hear about what happened to you. Unfortunately, a lot of people do not express themselves well in a relationship when they have complaints or problems.

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Thu, 06-23-2011 - 10:07am

As you know many marriages fail these days. They take the "vows", to never leave no matter what but in reality when push comes to shove and the chips are down, very few people actually follow through on these vows. So they are not so much vows as they are perhaps a goal to aspire to and if we make it then great and if not then oh well such is life.

I think a minority of married people start in on a friendship to someone of the opposite sex, with the intention of having an affair. It just happens and develops over time. So I do believe your husband that this was not his intent initially. That does not in any way excuse his behavior of the affair or of really trying to work on things with you or at least ending things with you before the affair.

It may take a while but time is the only thing that will heal you and let you move on. Also immersing yourself in your hobbies and friends and activities will keep your mind off of it as much as possible.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Thu, 06-23-2011 - 11:57am

You may think you love your husband, but your husband doesn't agree, and he's left you for another woman.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2011
Sat, 06-25-2011 - 12:01pm

HI.... THAT'S KINDA WHERE I AM RIGHT NOW. ON ONE HAND I STILL LOVE HIM BUT ON THE OTHER I ASK MYSELF WHY SHOULD I CHASE AFTER A GUY WHO DOESN'T LOVE ME BACK. I'M BETTER THAN THAT AND IT'S HIS LOST FOR NOT WANTING TO KEEP A GOOD WOMAN BUT INSTEAD GO WITH SOMEONE WHO HE 'THINKS" IS GOOD FOR HIM. I ALSO THOUGHT THE SAME AS YOU, YES IT'S NEW AND EXCITING NOW BUT SOONER OR LATER THE MISTRESS BECOMES LIKE THE WIFE AND THAT'S WHAT ENDS THE WHOLE DEAL! AT THAT POINT IM GLAD BECAUSE ITS WHAT HE DESERVES FOR MISTREATING ME. AFTER ALL SHE CAN'T BE TOO GOOD OF A PERSON THAT WENT AFTER A MARRIED MAN WHEN SHE KNEW HE WAS HAVING PROBLEMS WITH HIS WIFE.LIKE THE OLD SAYING GOES---JUST REMEMBER HOW YOU WENT ABOUT GETTING THAT PERSON, IT ALWAYS COMES BACK!!! THANKS FOR YOU COMMENTS!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2011
Sat, 06-25-2011 - 12:08pm

HELLO........Thanks for you comments. I try to believe that what happened wasn't intentionally done but i just don't understand how he could do this to me. Now that i've had time to think about a lot of stuff I did notice that communication was our biggest downfall. I know that if we had communicated and just took that time alone together this situation would not have happened. Like i said i still love him and am willing to save my marriage and I am still hoping that somewhere deep inside he feels the same. We're still good friends and still rely for each other for emotional support.