Never Cheated, but blamed all the time.
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Never Cheated, but blamed all the time.
| Wed, 04-21-2004 - 7:18pm |
I love my wife very much, she is very attractive, intelligent, and caring. However, we do have a problem that is driving us apart. Simply put, she does not trust me. She is always afraid that I am going to have an affair, so she is always defensive. She is so jealous of the females that I work with that I can't even talk to them regarding professional matters. She has accused me of sleeping with so many women that I lose count. If I am more that two minutes late coming home, I must be messing around. I have never had an affair and I would never do that to my wife and family. In her previous marriage, she also thought her ex- was cheating on her, so she went out and had 3-4 affairs during the course of their marriage. I am at my wits end, and don't know what to do. She is in counseling now and I have suggested marriage counseling, is there anything else that could ease my frustration with this issue?

I wonder strongly if she thought her first husband was and used it as an excuse to have her own affairs, if she is not accusing you right now of what she has been doing throughout your marriage.
I hope she gets the help she needs. Maybe going to one of her counseling sessions with her to ask what you can do to help the situation along?
I'm not sure, hopefully someone else will have some good ideas for you. Sorry you have to go through this.
Carrie
I'm leaning toward the idea that she is extremely insecure and paranoid. And her going out and having affairs in her first marriage served a couple of purposes:
1. Revenge
2. Ego boost
3. A false sense of feeling important and loved
The affairs could have been her only way to cope with the idea (albeit a false one) of her husband having affairs behind her back. To her it was a total reality and she couldn't bare the pain of it so going out and having affairs was her way of muddling through the pain which she basically inflicted upon herself. I think it's great for her to get some therapy. There are obviously some major unresolved issues of her past. I think for you to suggest that you are willing to go when she is ready to have you there is the best thing. This way she is focused on working on her issues but knows that you are supporting her as well. As soon as she makes some headway with her individual therapy then maybe she'd be ready for some couples counseling.
Jennifer
"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi