New Baby, Old Habits
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| Fri, 08-03-2007 - 6:18pm |
My boyfriend and I moved in together 2 months ago and had a baby a month later. We were having issues before I got pregnant but when we found out about the baby, things got better. Now that she is born, a lot of those problems are coming back.
I love him dearly but I feel like I am not as precious to him now that I am no longer carrying the baby. I don't work and he does and if I don't get the house spotless before he comes home, he makes it sound like I do nothing but sit around all day. He yells if I wake him during the night to help with the baby because he had to work 8 hours while I was just "playing around at home" aka taking care of our home and child. He never ceases to remind me that he pays for everything. When we get into arguements he yells at me about little things. He isn't affectionate in a sweet way, but he is impatient about being able to have sex again. I keep putting him off, but not because my body isnt ready for it after the baby, but because I just don't feel like our relationship is in a good place right now. I feel like he doesn't trust my intelligence or my word. I want to talk about it with him but everytime I ask him if he feels the same way about our relationship issues, he tells me to "stop being stupid" and making up problems.
I'm really frustrated because their used to be a time when he wanted to propose. Now it seems like I'm the one who really feels passionately about the relationship. I don't know how to approach him and I am tired of just taking it because I know that always giving in will only make things harder between us. What can I do to help make my new family the best it can be?
--Kate

I think you've discovered the hard way that having a baby together does not fix problems... it's a tough lesson to learn.
This man does not sound like father or husband potential. A real man who loved you would not call you stupid or belittle you for being at home taking care of an infant.
I think you are better off without him.
Couples counseling would be a good idea if I thought he'd go for it. Even if he would, we aren't in the financial position to do so. I also don't want to leave for the sake of my family and because I think the relationship is salvagable. We didn't have the baby to save the relationship, she was a surprise blessing. Does anyone have anysuggestions how I could approach him about my issues without turning it into a huge arguement that never gets settles like I have now?
Thanks for the replies.
--Kate
Welcome to the board newmom09,
Here's some good reading material to consider.