new love help needed! please!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
new love help needed! please!
2
Tue, 06-03-2003 - 2:27pm
me and my boyfriend were friends before we started dating. we are both quiet and shy people. he can talk to his friends for the longest time, but when it's me and him, we barely talk at all. i'm a really quiet person and don't talk much at all to anyone...not even my best friends. i want to open up to him and him to open up to me, but i don't know how to get that to happen. do you guys have any suggestions on what i could do? any conversation starter tips? please help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
Tue, 06-03-2003 - 3:04pm
You say that you are your new boyfriend were friends before you started seeing each other. well, what did you talk about then when you were just friends? The title of boyfriend and girlfriend can get so confusing. Really things shouldn't change. My x-boyfriend and I were great friends before we started seeing each other. We would talk all the time about anything and everything. We were very comfortable with each other. What changed....we had this title of boyfriend and girlfriend. Then we felt like we were obligated to hang out with each other and talk to each other. So we broke up b/c we were better friends and we hang out, we talk and we are happy. So what changed...nothing. Just the title and the feeling that we had to do something instead of wanting to do something. If you were friends before then you are friends now. Find out all you can about this guy. Who's his favorite band. His favorite song. His first concert. Find out what type of things interest him. If you have something in common ask him about that. There are so many questions to ask but most of all enjoy your time with him and have fun. Don't be scared. Be his friend and let him be yours!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-03-2003 - 3:22pm
My advice - don't try to talk - at all - rather, choose an activity which provides a comfortable environment for talking - such as - suggest that you go to a park for a day and that you bring whatever you happen to be reading at the moment - you can read on your own or to each other - that way it won't feel like you are forced to talk. Or go to an art gallery or a museum. I don't like the idea of conversation starters with a boyfriend - sounds too stilted/awkward. What I like to do is to share cute anecdotes - the person I met in the elevator, a funny story from my trip to Italy, etc. - but bottom line is if the vibes/energy/dynamics are not conducive to you two being approachable, warm and friendly that might bespeak of a deeper issue - that you two just don't connect or have much in common.