New to message board - confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2004
New to message board - confused
3
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 2:41am
Hi everyone, I am new to this board, and hopefully can get some insights into my situation.

I have been dating this guy for the past 4 months. things were going ok except he just bought a house before he met me and is finding it hard to keep up with the paying off of mortgage. as a result, he has to work 6 days each week and we only get to see each other once a week. recently i asked him whether he considers me as his GF, but he says not yet because for him, GF is like a committment, and he says he needs to fix up his finances first before he can consider us. he knows that he will need to spend more time with me if he agrees on us being BF/GF but he doesn't have the time or energy to do so. also, i have a feeling that he's not sure whether he truly likes me and that we are really compactible, but don't u think that he would have an idea whether we are right for each other by this stage? the reason i bought this topic up was because he isn't very affectionate with me. he kiss me and sometimes hold my hands, but mostly it's me who take the initiative.

My question is, is 4 months too early for a guy and a girl to become BF/GF? do u think he's using his finances problem as an excuse? i asked him how much longer does he need to consider us being BF/GF but he says he doesn't know. i dont' want to keep waiting in case he's already have an idea that he doesn't want us to be BF/GF but just doesn't want to admit it. also, he likes girls who are the outgoing type, but i am not that outgoing. he says he likes me, but as a friend. he doesn't want to be over yet and agrees on seeing each other only until we know for sure whether we are right for each other. should i wait for him? what's the best thing to do?

thanks so much for your input

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 10:08am
ibobo19...

Pianoguy thinks you are "pushing the envelope" much too quickly.

The man has told you that his priority is the new house...and he's trying his best to afford it. YOU are important...but the HOUSE is MORE IMPORTANT, at least for now. He has also indicated that you "are just a friend" at the moment. Not a g/f! You might assume that he feels differently, but according to your post...these are the words he used to describe your relationship.

So if you can accept these terms and still love the gentleman...fine! If you're not comfortable, stop seeing the man!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 1:49pm
I have to say, I agree with Pianoguy ....

In your relationship, you both have different goals and priorities. He's told you his priority is his house/finances, period.

If you still like him, still see him, but date others, be honest and upfront about it.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2004
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 1:22am


Thank you everyone for your helpful input. thinking back, it makes sense with the comments that i have received. i guess i was just too anxious to settle down in a relationship as i feel i am getting older (i am 27, turning 28 in a few months) and i am a really quiet person who finds it really hard to make friends (even worse with guys). so whenever i find a guy that likes me i guess i try too hard to make it work. i have sent an sms message to him saying that i dont' think we should be seeing each other until he figures out what he wanted. he replied with a very general message saying that he hopes i am ok and to pursue goals, and if the goal is achievable, go for it (?) i am not sure what the message has anything to do with us, but there u go... i also feel quite angry and upset that he hasn't said anything to me about how he feels earlier, and when i confronted him he says we are not over yet, but he can only do one thing at a time, and right now he has his house to content with, he is working on it and hoping to fix it up so that he can rent it out and pay off the mortgage faster. do u guys think i did the right thing?