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New Relationship
| Fri, 01-16-2004 - 11:27am |
Just started dating this guy about 3 weeks ago. We have a great time together and have lots of laughs. The other night we were talking and we got on the subject of "what we were about" not sure how it came up - anyway, he says he's not looking for a commitment from me??? WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?? So, he caught me a little off guard, because I was so not ready to have that conversation - so I blew it off and said then we are both on the same page as far as our "relationship" goes... I'm certainly not looking to get into a serious relationship with anyone, but I kinda feel like he slammed the door on any potential for us? Is this me reading way more into it than need be? HELP!!! Trust me, I so wish it didn't bother me - I'm actually a little surprised it did...
Any insight would be greatly appriciated.
Any insight would be greatly appriciated.
Thanks

Now, what are you going to do with this information?
Notice "time" is the key element....most men are about "time" - they know they're responsible for becoming who they want to be in life in every regard, they don't think of a relationship as a goal or a necessity in order to be successful, secure and happy.
At this time in his life - he's happy, secure, and successful by his own definitions and requirements and he doesn't want a partner to have to consider when regarding to pursuing his goals.
He's "dating" you - he enjoys fun, sex, and companionship....until he values a relationship of commitment when the time is right for him in his life, based on his needs and goals...no matter how much time you spend with him - you won't get one.
Women tend to believe that "a particular man" is the key element and so they believe a man is waiting to meet the right woman. That's primarily untrue....no woman is right until the man is who and where he wants to be as an individual, if he's a successful, secure, happy and complete man - and who wants one that isn't!
He's not slamming the door on "a relationship with you" - he's saying he doesn't want you to get the wrong idea, that at this time in his life he doesn't want a relationship and won't be in one - no matter what you or anybody else does, wants, or offers.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
I think he's just being honest and upfront with you about not wanting to be in a committed relationship with you, and didn't want you to think otherwise.
If he says he does not want committment right now, after three weeks, that is perfectly sensible of him, and it is good that he is upfront about it, and that he wants to avoid to generate expectations and unnecessary suffering. This leaves open the possibility that in the future, if the relationship is good, committment will come.
If, on the other hand, he says he wants no committment from you, period, then you'd better believe him and have no expectations for the future as well. It may be OK with you, and it may be not OK. It may mean that he is enjoying having fun with you (and probably other dates), but that he rules out the possibility of a future with you, for whatsoever reason.
You really want to find out which way he meant it, and then decide accordingly.
Its understandable that you felt a little hurt, even though deep down, you probably had the same intentions as him. I would be a little releived to see that hes being so honest and up front with you, rather than give false hopes. At least you know where you both stand and can concentrate your attention elsewhere.
I can't believe these responses, what type of guy states from the outset that he wants no commitment? Unless you met each other on a street corner or an internet sex chat and screwing is the end goal, his early assertion was very uncool. It seems to me that’s he's stated up front that he doesn't really care to know you.
Not all people that date live happily ever after, obviously, but sealing yourself off from that option in week three seems very odd.
Even if for now you're on the same wavelength as him, you have a right to be uneasy about it.