New relationship after divorcing
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| Thu, 06-12-2008 - 8:17am |
Hi, I'm from France, which will explain the fews terms in which I'll explaint things in this post.
I used to go out with a guy when I was 16, he dumped me after a month because I was 6 years younger than him and my whole world fell apart. It took me years to overcome this seperation.
Two years later, I see him again in the street with a woman. He just met her. My heart sunk all at once. I thought I'd get rid of this, but no. I'll say that I was jealous of her, there were matching so well. If I knew how this would go later...
So life went on, I got married, got kids, moved to another city. I wasn't very happy though.
In 2000 I decided to look for his sister, as we used to be friends in class. So I finally found after 2 years (when women get married, we lose their trace). So we met, I, of course, asked news about him. He was still married, 3 kids...
One day, his sister sends me an hoax which I didn't respond, and that's how we got in touch. She had sent it to a huge list of friens. And he responds to it. Instead of answering it to her as he usually did, he responds to everyone. And here's his name appearing in my inbox.
My heart knocked, and it took me a while to answer because I didn't dare. What was the point?
But I finally decided to answer. He remembered me, even if we stayed a month together. I was very surprised. So we started to chat on msn, sent mails and he finally decided to call me, and we decided to see each other.
He told me he loved me...and me too. So we started to have an affair together that didn't last long before making a decision : leaving our spouses.
He said he wasn't happy at all and that he wanted to leave his wife but was waiting until his daughter was old enough to do so. I was giving him courage.
So he decided to leave his life, sell his house, leave his job, and move to my city to be with me. It took 2 years to arrive at the final end, which is, this saturday, he'll be here with me.
The problem is this : his wife gave him hell during this divorce period, she discovered I existed, revenger herself, emptied a bank account, tried to destroy him, lied, cheated and so on.
He was very mad and angry because they had to live in the same house until sold, and during that period he had a lot of pressure at work, and with his sons.
I, of course hate her for what she did, because she made his life a mess during 24 years (she's a manipulative woman, selfish, egocentric, and a big lier, his sisters told me and him too) and now she doesn't accept him leaving even if she doesn't love him anymore.
So recently, I happened to know that he helped her, and the most, he's just bought her a washing machine!
I just feel like I'm with a weak man who got cheated, taken advantage of, and still, he's nice to her.
His sisters tell me he really doesn't care at all about her, has no feelings for her, it's been like this for a long time.
Would I call this weakness? Sense of guilt? Stupidity? Too much kindness?
I wonder what will happen when he'll be here with me...
I just feel frustrated to hear that. I told him it's not normal to act like that because when you're divorced, everybody should be on its own... I told him that I'm not able to forgive as long as she continues to play with his family, acting as if she was an angel and since she didn't apologize for what she did. She seems not to regret anything she did. It hurts me a lot to see this extreme kindness from him, being taken advantage of.
I don't know about american men but French are proud and don't want women to mess with ex wives. He tells me he does what he wants with her since it's for the kids.
I'm going to have a long conversation with him because I feel that our relationship is in danger because of her.
I'm not writing everything I went through during those two years, it'd be too long and boring, but I got hurt a lot, him too and she's often the source of our argumentations.
Another thing is that he'll have to see his kids and will have to travel and meet them at her house, and that, I can't stand it.
I'm so unhappy about the situation since it took so long to overcome all our problems to end up like that.
What can I do? Am I normal to react this way or not?
Thank you very much

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I'm happy with him, but I don't want him to be a carpet. Who loves weak people unless to manipulate them? Not me anyway.
I realize the ones who judged me might want to reassure themselves in a relationship they're not comfortable with. Often when divorces come up in relatives or friends, it's like cancer : they flee from you or judge you. That's because they're scared. They're not the type to change their lives.
So I just need real constructive advice and not judgement. Judgement belongs to God. Not ours
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