newlywed cheating

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2012
newlywed cheating
7
Mon, 02-06-2012 - 7:36pm

My husband and I have been married for 9 months and together for four years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 3:17am

Well if you are both newlyweds and already cheating on your spouses it sounds as if neither one of you should have gotten married to your respective spouses in the first place. Are you both willing to destroy your marriages if this relationship keeps progressing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 9:08am

I'm sorry but you and your husband sound like you are better friends than you are lovers. If you never felt strong sparks or passion with your husband, you will never be able to stop yourself from feeling tempted by men who DO bring out these feelings in you. If you had been married to your husband for many years, had children, or somewhere along the way actually lost the spark that you once had, I would probably suggest finding a counselor to help you reconnect. It's pretty clear to me that you didn't realize you had the desire to connect with someone more viscerally until after you met Jim, but now that the cat's out of the bag, I think you will always be unfulfilled in your marriage.

It's going to really suck but I think you are starting to be honest with yourself about what you really want, and it's not your husband.

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 9:45am

I agree with the others, if you are cheating this soon into your respective marriages, then neither of you should have gotten married.

It is unclear whether Jim will ever be available. He seems very intent on keeping friendship with you but does not seem like he is ready to quit his marriage. It would probably be best for both of you not be around each other, but it looks like that is not possible. You should however limit or stop contact outside of normal work hours.

The more basic problem is that you do not have the passion you should have for your husband. Whether or not Jim will ever be available is irrelevent. The feelings you have (or do not have) for your husband, are leaving you vulnerable to outside tempation. If not Jim, then it will be the next guy, etc. There is a high probability that you will be tempted into a real affair somewhere down the line. You have a need that is not being met at home, a basic need.

This whole situation should serve as a wake-up call. You need to either work on your marriage or decide that this marriage was not for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 1:26pm
Another thing to think about is how well do you really know this Jim guy? You may not be his first attempted affair. He could tell you everything you want to hear and hook you in, tell you he's going to leave his wife and so on. Then all of a sudden he'll tell you "I've decided to stay and work on my marriage" Happens ALL the time. So before you even start thinking about leaving your marriage for this guy you'd better start thinking that the reality of this is that in the end you could end up with neither one of them and alone and heartbroken.
Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Wed, 02-08-2012 - 3:12pm

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Wed, 02-08-2012 - 4:39pm

Why does it matter WHY Jim is cheating? You realize that the person in the affair situation here is the OP, who is a woman, correct??

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Wed, 02-08-2012 - 5:22pm

oops wrong thread

but

dragowoman