Newlywed nerves?
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| Tue, 04-06-2004 - 11:58am |
I don't know if it's because we went ahead and "rushed" or if there are deeper problems. I feel like I might have simply settled for him. Don't get me wrong, he is a fantastic man...very loving, supportive, good in bed. It just seems as though we're just comfortable...no passion, no spark. Almost boring at times. Could it be that I am having the prewedding jitters I didn't allow myself or is it more?
Like I said I do love him, but I'm afraid I married him more because I know he'll always be there for me no matter what. I do realize that this may be an abandonment issue, but would that explain the boredom I sometimes feel?
Maybe I should have given myself the experience of dating other men. (I am 26 years old but I never dated much.) The other contributing factor might be that I jumped from a failed relationship with a great friend turned lover to this one. I wonder if I gave myself time to be alone and independent. Could this be one big rebound?
Obviously I am confused because I am babbling. Hopefully someone will be able to decipher this and give me some advice. Please...

However, if you are looking to him as your source of happiness, entertainment, joy, etc, that's an unfair burden to put oh him. Happpiness comes from within you. Only you can fill that void. So what kinds of things do you do for you? Do you have your own friends, hobbies, things you do that 'fill you up'? If not, start.
Also, consider some of this reading material before you throw in the towel:
A Couple's Guide to Communication, John Mordechai Gottman
Relationship Rescue by Phil McGraw
Divorce Busters by Michelle Weiner-Davis
His Needs, Her Needs by Dr. Willard F. Harley Jr
Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix
The 10 Second Kiss, Ellen Kreidman
Falling in love with your husband again CAN happen, but you have to be willing to put in the effort.
Carrie
I do agree with you when you say that once married, all the "hidden" issues come to surface. Thank you for your words.
Carrie
Do you feel comfortable talking to your husband about your concerns, or do you feel you must hide them? If you can't talk to him, are you afraid of hurting his feelings? I think the best way to get the monsters out of our closets, so to speak, is to bring them out into the open. They can be given a lot more importance when kept in secrecy than they really merit. I have a hunch that maybe you feel that the way you feel/felt about your ex is unfair to your husband. So it sits there making you feel bad, and eventually to feeling ambivalent about your husband so you no longer have to feel the pain of guilt. That's why I suggest talking to your husband. He may be very understanding if you just explained a little, and then maybe both of you could laugh at your fears. I laugh at myself regularly. Best of luck to you both!