Newlyweds already in trouble

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Newlyweds already in trouble
6
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 7:00pm
My husband of 2 months works rotating shifts. Yesterday he worked from 3pm until 3am. He got to bed just as I was getting up to go to work (I had to go in early).

My husband wanted to me to lay down with him for 10 more minutes, so I reset the alarm. Eight minutes later, he decided he wanted to make love, but I am always running late in the morning. I had taken measures to try to pare down my morning routine so that I would not have to rush in to work. I told him this, and he got very upset. He said, "Then get your *ss out of bed and get to work!" I was stunned, so I jumped out of bed and got ready.

When I was in the kitchen, putting my lunch together, he came in and started going through the fridge. I kind of watched, until he said "Why are you f*cking staring at me like that?!" I went back to getting ready, trying to hide my tears.

After he ate his breakfast in the dark (while I ate mine in the kitchen), he told me that he thought it was weird that I would be more worried about getting to work on time than sparing 15 minutes to make love to my husband.

For me, every minute counts when I go to work. I hate being late: it reflects badly on me. I try to get a good, solid night's sleep so I can be alert and productive the next day. I work in aviation, which is why it is so important.

I guess what I really want to know is, is he right? Am I really weird? For passing on sex to be at work on time?

I really love my husband, but sometimes I feel like he's a jerk, and I cry a lot. Any help would be appreciated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 7:18pm
He's wrong; you are right (in that he's being a jerk). Good work ethic is so important. Especially these days. The cost of living is really taking a toll on many of us these days and it's important to do what you can to maintain stable job security. You are simply doing what is right for your life and home. He should feel good that his wife is so responsible but instead he sounds like he's being extremely selfish. To talk to you that way? How wrong!!!! You should be angry.

Jennifer

"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi

Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 7:25pm
I don't think that you are being unreasonable at all. Getting to work on time is important, and regardless of what was going on, he has no business talking to you like that.

Working opposite shifts is difficult and the strain is probably wearing on him. I think that you guys need to figure out some way to spend some time together so that you can get through the times when you barely see each other.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 08-21-2004 - 8:42am
Firstly, i wouldnt put up with any man swearing at me like that. How disrespectful...geesh girl! What are you f"ing staring at?? are you serious?? boy or boy girl..

You are right to demand respect for the things in life that are important to you. Do you seriously think he'd be late for work for you?? then how do you think he'd feel after you said to him "what are you "f'ing staring at"?...can you even imagine saying that to him?? to someone you care about and love?? Yuck!

This man does not respect you nor the things in life that are important to you...and those are you values, morals and character..your work ethic! DONT ever compromise who you are and what you are for anyone! not to mention a man that calls himself your husband and would treat you like that.

After treating you like that...how can you respect him???


Deborah

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Sat, 08-21-2004 - 11:06am
We spoke about it later that day (I had gone home early to hang out with him--what a wimp, huh?). Actually, our voices rose. He said he would have been late to work if I were all over him. I said "You wouldn't have said that last month!" Last month he was still on probation for his new job. But he had already left the room and pretended not to hear me.

So, he left for work just barely saying bye. That was Thursday. We've barely spoken two words to each other, which is easy because of our schedules. He didn't come to bed last night. He called me last night from work and spoke like nothing happened. I've been a crying mess the past 2 days.

I just want us to work out. Marriage is not to be taken lightly. I understand he gets stressed, but why does he have to take it out on me?

And no, I would never talk to him like that. I would have to be extremely pissed off to curse at him; those words are not part of my everyday vocabulary.

Thank you all for your support. It makes me feel better knowing that people agree with me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2004
Sat, 08-21-2004 - 1:09pm
i have to say that i'm torn between your decision. I agree with everyone that he had NO RIGHT to speak to you in the manner that he did and to immedaitely jump on you for not wanting to make love to him. Here's my opinion and not that it matters. I would have taken the few extra minutes to make love. For one, because of the schedules that you have and you barely get to spend time together, every precious moment counts because you never know when you shoulda taken the few extra minutes and didn't and you never get the chance again. Secondly, because he wanted to be with you and he basically turned to you for comfort and need and he was rejected. Men handle rejection alot worse than women, I've found out. His prode and ego were bruised, not that its justification for his behavior but men don't think, they react.

I don't think your husband had a four hour tryst planned, I think it was probably more of a 'quickie' so that you two could at least have some time. and it was a way for him to be close to you. it was something for him to hang on to while he was home alone and you were at work.

I would have taken the few extra minutes, even if it meant being a few minutes late to work. Yes, work is important. BUT...which would you rather hang on to? your job.....or your husband???????

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 08-21-2004 - 6:47pm
If you take anything away from these posts...remember this! "We teach ppl how to treat us"!..remember that.

Nobody wants to take marriage lightly...but i honestly cant see how you can love a man that would have such little respect for you...don't you have enough respect for yourself??


Deborah