The next four days

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2003
The next four days
2
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 7:16pm
Last week I posted a message "how do I cope". Your advice, and actually what I wanted, was to get counseling. When I confronted my husband about this he said. "I will think about it". Well to me that was his way of saying no. Things progressed and he left. Well I have talked to him and he says that he loves me very much. But he has issues that he has to work out before we can be whole again. I love my husband more than anything. But it has been only two days since I have seen him and it will be four more days before I will hear from him. There hasn't been, nor will be any contact until Tuesday. I can't handle this and don't know what to do. It's all I think about. I can't sleep or eat. I think just not knowing where he is or how he is that makes me the craziest. I have paced the floor and looked out the window for two days. Staying busy doesn't help much either. I have trieds alcohol, I have tried Xanax but nothing is helping to dull this pain. I call his work number and get the answering machine just to hear his voice. I feel that things will work out when he returns, but what am I to do until then. I feel that what he is doing to me right now is the cruelest thing to do to anyone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 9:39pm
It helps us to remember who you are if you just add to the original thread. Here is your first post:

Two weeks ago my husband had an affair. He left to visit family and never got there. When his nephew called wondering where he was, I had no answer. I waited up until he got home and confronted him and he admitted it. We had just reconciled our 20 year marriage after almost breaking up. I had not been a very nice person and things went downhill, But the past 3 months had been wonderful, or so I thought. I cannot imagine this happening, and when I ask why he said he didn't know that it just did. We both want to work through this, but everyday I wake up with doubts. I know that I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. But instead of getting easier to deal with this thing is getting harder. I talk to my husband and he makes me feel better, at the moment. Then, when I am alone, I start thinking about all those things and just get depressed. I realized that it will take time, but why am I putting myself through all of this pain over and over??

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 9:47pm
Try to answer these questions....

You also said

'I will begin today finding a good marriage counselor, providing my husband wants this, or a good therapist if he doesn't.'

Have you looked into a therapist for yourself? Why can't you contact him until Tuesday? Why are you forgiving him again and again? Whyd o you think you deserve this?

'But he has issues that he has to work out before we can be whole again. '

Did he say this and how exactly and proactively is he going to work out these issues? Are the 'issues' other women or something else?

'I have tried Xanax but nothing is helping to dull this pain.'

They may temporarily dull the pain but you have to dig deep into your issues and the marriage to move forward.

'I feel that things will work out when he returns, but what am I to do until then. I feel that what he is doing to me right now is the cruelest thing to do to anyone.'

These are practically contradictory statements. How will things work out if he is cruel to you???