nned advice and some insight

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
nned advice and some insight
1
Mon, 02-02-2004 - 3:21pm
I was married young and had kids within the 1st year. My husband was very controlling I was not to have any friends outside of him. Now fast forward 8 years two kids later he has lost all interest in me he could care less if I hung out with the ladies everyday etc… This is because he would rather be in someone else’s house drinking beer then to be with his family. After being isolated for so long making friends for me is hard. I have asked him to stay home once and a while and be with us and he makes a big deal about it “oh god fine dear Ill stay home and watch TV with you that’s tons of fun come on dear lets go spend time together” I don’t want him to be with me out of pity or like I am forcing him to do something he doesn’t want to do.

Our sex life has gone out the window we used to be an every other day couple if not more now it’s maybe twice a week. He finds drinking more important then sex or his family. When we do have sex its not good I go down on him then jump on if he can stay hard the entire time he gets his then its over. He hardly touches me there’s no kissing he cant even look at me. He hasn’t go down on me in months and when I ask him to he changes the subject. I try to talk to him about all of this and he get defensive and acts like he’s going to do me a favor by coming home after work “if it will make me happy” . When he does come home he interacts with no one he sits in front of his computer.

I feel very alone I feel like a single parent if I didn’t do everything nothing would get done. I can not depend on him to do anything I am afraid to even leave his own kids with him because he’s so self centered he thinks of no one but himself. So someone is bound to not eat or someone gets hurt because he doesn’t watch them.

His reason this weekend for not being with us was because we don’t drink we are boring and if I changed my attitude maybe he would stay home. The only difference from him being at home and going to his friends house is the beer they sit on their asses watching TV. And I only have an attitude because I am mad that he would choose his buds and beer over me and his kids. Who wouldn’t get ticked off? Am I supposed to smile and say whatever you want to do hun. I am just so frustrated I don’t know what to do anymore but give up. Talking doesn’t work it’s like fighting a losing battle. Is this a sign of the end of my marriage? He says he loves me but when it comes out it sounds like a recording. He’s supposed to say it. I don’t feel comfortable around him anymore. I am so lost
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Mon, 02-02-2004 - 3:41pm

First of all, it sounds like one of the biggest problems here is the alcohol, I would strongly consider going to Alanon to help out with this, first of all it would give you a support network to understand what is going on in your life, and secondly it will also give you a place where you can meet people with similar issues in their lives and maybe build that network of friends that you are lacking.


I think in terms of your marriage you are in desperate need of help and he needs to realize that now rather than later.