No affection
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 03-22-2004 - 12:14pm |
One recurring theme in my relationship with my GF has been her lack of affection towards me. I am a very affectionate person. Not in the sense that I hug everyone I see, but that I like to be in physical contact with her, I like to smile at her and laugh with her. Unfortunately, she does not. I can try to cuddle in bed with her, and she'll just lay there. I will reach over to hold her hand, and it stays limp. I actually have to reach over with my other hand and close her fingers around my hand.
We've talked about it before (usually ending in an argument); she claims she's just not like that. When I ask her if she enjoys the attention I give her, she says yes, she loves it. But when I ask why she can't return that affection, again, "she's not like that".
What am I missing?!? It's driving me crazy that I can do things to her/for her that she loves, but what about me? When you're with someone you love, shouldn't you want to do things that make them happy? Am I expecting too much when I expect affection??

Another book to consider is: Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman
My best to you.
Carrie
When she says that shes not like that, it probably the truth.There are people who just dont enjoy that kind of "stuff".
I have pretty much the same issue you have (see "I'm a guy who has a burning question"). An invaluable piece of advice I got in this forum is to look very carefully for ways she shows care that aren't physical and that we overlook. I was also told basically not to stress out, to back off a little bit so she has space for herself, and to believe that she'll reciprocate down the road. If it's a big problem, it can be solved through a counselor (but that's only when everything else fails after being seriously tried).
The point of the matter is not to be discouraged. If you love your gf, that will surely give you strength and patience, and help you overcome your stress. It'll sure help me with mine.