no conection in bed

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2002
no conection in bed
5
Thu, 12-08-2011 - 11:24am

I think I have pin pointed 'bad in bed' for me,after thinking about it. It's my boyfriend who is in a world of his own when in bed with me, no mental or emotional connection, hardly any eye contact and who seems to be more interested in his own pleasure than mine. Doesnt say one word while in bed.

That is my 2 yr relationship right now and outside the bedroom he is lots of fun and very interesting company, best friends and I always thought the bedroom stuff would improve but it hasnt, Its gotten worse.

I am 56 he is 52

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2011
Thu, 12-08-2011 - 6:44pm

It sounds like you are enabling him in the hand job situation and being passive in the back rub situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 12-08-2011 - 7:18pm

I am not going to talk about sex because there's something more important that you've said.

The most honest part of your post was when you said "I'm not in love with him".

Romantic love and sex are what essentially separate a romantic relationship from a friendship. What you have here is not really a romantic relationship, it's a friendship that you haven't ended because you like him as a friend.

I'm not going to tell you to talk to him because I agree with you. Talking to a person doesn't change who they are.

"i ask my self why am i even in this situation"

That is the start of finding your way out of this relationship. You aren't required to be in a relationship with a man just because he is great in most ways.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2009
Fri, 12-09-2011 - 7:00am

You say he is a wonderful guy in every way, and then points out he makes a good living and lets you stay home.... But you're not in love anymore.

You seem to value the fact you don't have to work and that he is taking care of you financially. Are you staying because it's easier to put up with the sexual frustration than working full time and be on your own ?

No wonder you are bored to tears. The terms of your relationship seem pretty clear : he pays for you but you service him sexually.

Not to sound insensitive, but if you are still wondering why this arrangement makes you feel depressed, I'd say it's because it's pretty close to be called prostitution.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2002
Fri, 12-09-2011 - 10:52am

Oh no, you have it all wrong, He would be offended by the prostitution statement, being the christian man he is. I was working but was laid off from my job and I hate being at home, I enjoy working, it gives me a sense worthiness and being part of the community. I have been looking for a full time job, I have an ebay business and do work pt. But I need the full time job to get me to where I need to be.

Plus I'm staying because I own the house...he is the one that moved in with me over 1.5 yrs ago.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Fri, 12-09-2011 - 11:31am

"Oh no, you have it all wrong, He would be offended by the prostitution statement, being the christian man he is. "

It doesn't really make the statement invalid just because he would be offended...