No Divorce???

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2004
No Divorce???
3
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 1:14pm
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months. I just recently found out that he's still married. He said they've been seperated for 4 years going on 5, but the divorce has not been settled. I've never been married therefore divorced, but my parents are divorced and it didn't take them 4 years to get a divorce. He says he's trying but he never calls his lawyer. I know there's nothing I can do about it, but does this mean that he still wants to be with her?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: spaz841
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 1:31pm
He doesn't necessary want to be with her...but he appears to want an assurance of "never having to commit" to anybody but himself again until he's good and ready. Basically, he doesn't tell the women he dates that he's married - because most women are dating to find a life partner and he can't be that person.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: spaz841
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 1:48pm
My parents were seperated for about 10 years before they officially divorced. They had no intention of getting back together, they just never made it official. They finally filed the paperwork when my dad decided to get remarried.

In your case, I think that the fact that you have dated this man for 8 months without him telling you that his is still technically married is the main issue rather than the actual marrital status. Why the secrecy? Also, he says he has been "trying" to get a divorce, but just hasn't called the lawyer? That sounds fishy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
In reply to: spaz841
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 3:01pm
I am going to guess that since he is technically still married, he doesn't have to commit to anyone else. He can't get married if he is still tied to someone else, even on a technicality. My father in law did this. Until my MIL died they were technically still married. He even had a family with a new woman, left her and found another girlfriend who he lives with.

'but does this mean that he still wants to be with her?'

Have you asked him? Does he talk about her a lot either lovingly or with venom? Do they talk a lot?