no job, new baby - marriage failing

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
no job, new baby - marriage failing
1
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 1:10pm
after having a baby I decided not to go back to work because it was 1.5 hour commute both ways (3hrs a day) and my husband and I thougth I could find something else easily. Well I now have a 10 month old and no job. I have depression and so this failure to find employment and frustration of being a stay at home mother only adds to my feelings of self worth (or lack of it). My husband thinks that the best thing to do is stay on the sidelines until I can "get it together". I feel really hurt and he doesn't understand why since he "puts a roof over my head, food in my mouth, and clothes on my back". He says that if I want him to act more like a husband than a father then I have to tell him how. He didn't even realize there was problem with the relationship - why wouldn't he notice? we haven't had sex in months and I don't like to even touch him because I feel so angry at him. I think we should see a marriage counselor, but I'm not sure how to find one or what happens in a session or what it costs. Thanks for letting me vent. I think I'll go lay on the bed and cry - the baby is taking his nap so I have an hour to myself- yippie.

Nic
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 3:22pm
If you have medical insurance, please make an appt with a counslor right now to address the depression. A lot of people's self-worth is tied with their job and if you want to work, need 'adult' conversation during the day, that doesn't make you wrong or a bad mother or wife. Having something that fills you up, mentally, emotionally is important. While it's great that he supports you, you still need to find something to do that makes you feel good about you. Even if it's part-time or temporary work that gets you back in the workforce.

Reading material to consider:

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy – David D. Burns, MD

How to Raise Your Self-Esteem, Nathaniel Brandon

Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth, by Sharon Wegscheider Cruse

Self Matters, Phil McGraw

The Aladdin Factor, Jack Canfield & Mark Victor Hansen

The Magic of Thinking Big, David J. Schwartz


My best to you.


Carrie