No marriage just room mates
Find a Conversation
No marriage just room mates
| Fri, 07-09-2004 - 4:28pm |
Hello, can anyone help me? This is going to be lengthy since I've been holding so much in for so long. I have been married for 11 years now. My husband and I basically grew into adulthood together. We married when we were still in high school. We have 3 great kids. For the past 2 years we have been becoming more distant. I've been more involved w/the kids school, homework, homelife, work, etc. He's just had his friends around him all the time and he is always on the phone. It has bothered me in the past that we didn't talk to each other much and it would always end up in an argument. We have tried separating but it hurts both of us way too much (and the kids) and we both end up crying and then getting back together. So, that's definitely out of the question. But for the past month and a half there has been no sex whatsoever. We don't talk anymore, not like we ever really did. But, now, I will tell him about an appt or about something that is important and he will listen but he won't remember and he'll act like I never mentioned it to him. He finally told me that he never listens to what I say. It was just a hurtful thing to hear because now I feel like a little girl. When I go home after work,I start dinner, we eat. He goes into his garage and he stays out there all night doing who knows what. I go in there and he's just sitting in there smoking and talking to his friends on the cell phone. When he calls me at work now he just calls to ask if the kids are all right at home because I go home during lunch to check on them. Then, it's back to the same ol' same ol'. NO communication. I get his cell phone bill and see that he spends hours at a time talking to his friends, family, etc but only "2" minutes every other day to me!!! I'm so depressed now that I have to start taking anti-depressants. I cry all the time. I can't talk to him about anything cause he will yell and tell me I'm being stupid and just shoots me down. If I tell him I'm leaving him, he says go ahead-he'll open the door for me. Can anyone help me?...if anything just be a listening ear and a friend. I really could use a good friend. Thanks so much!

I Loved her with all my heart and still do but if all you do is fight or not even talk at all it's more pain in the long run. So I think you need to sit down and think long and hard about what YOU and your kids need. you also will have to think about how he's been acting will affect your kids.
Take care
Dana
my E:Mail addy is :
Opsicle1@hotmail.com
This is a deeply unhealthy situation and it is dangerous for you to stay in it as it is. His behavior is not neutral or simply withdrawn, there is a lot of anger and rejection involved in this. It could even be called abusive. It is understandable that you are becoming depressed, and in fact this could worsen if you let things remain as they are.
For some men, rather than have the courage to express their needs and feelings and work things through they act out - they become what is called passive agressive and hurt their partners by what they do not do or give. It seems as though by behaving in this hostile manner he is trying to drive you to be the one to say "enough, I'm done."
It's A New Day With Dr Shoshanna - Wed. 2-3 EST.