No more chemistry...should I end it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2007
No more chemistry...should I end it?
2
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 8:04pm

My boyfriend and I have been together officially for 8 months and dated on and off for a year before that. We almost didn't end up together because he was still hung up over his Ex who was trying to get him back, but once I was ready to walk away, he ultimately decided to leave her in the past and we've been together ever since.

The first 3 months we dated we were extremely close, would talk on the phone for hours everyday, and hung out 3 times a week. Once the Ex drama started we talked less and hung out once a week. However, once I was ready to walk away, he became extremely attentive once again and we talked all the time and spent a lot of time together. Since we made our relationship official, things have kind of simmered down and usually I call him every other day and we see each other once a week because he has a pretty busy work schedule.

We are now living in separate states for the summer and he rarely ever calls me and is sometimes excited and other times unenthusiastic when we talk. He's got all of the qualities I could want in a guy and is really nice, hardworking, attractive, and laid back like me. We don't have everything in common, but generally have the same goals for the future.

It just bothers me that he never calls me and seems unenthusiastic about our relationship. I feel like I care about him so much and I think about him all the time, but he gives me the impression I'm just like any other person in his life. Also, I still haven't met his parents, he hasn't said he loves me, and he never likes to spend the night with me (we just have sex and he goes home). He's been hurt by a lot of people and likes to stay distant, and it's getting increasingly frustrating. I really like him, but I also want to feel like my boyfriend is excited to be with me.

I want to make this work and have thought about talking to him, but I'm not sure if I'm just overreacting.

How long is the excitement/chemistry of a relationship supposed to last and if it's gone should I end it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 2:34am

You're not happy. If you don't talk to him about it how are you supposed to resolve the problem? The honeymoon phase of a relationship lasts 1-3 years but that doesn't mean you start getting treated like you don't matter. It means it deepens into something more comfortable and meaningful based on mutual respect and shared goals and values. The excitement is different - not gone! Otherwise, you realize there is no future there and you end it.

All relationships aren't meant to last forever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2007
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 1:02pm

i understand where you are coming dear.. you been emotionall involved with this guy for almost 2 years on and off. I know what you mean by having your boyfriend overreact to these kinds of conversations. I have the same problem myself. It's just that some guys have problems opening up and dealing with there hearts. I learned from experience that it takes time, patience, and a lot of care to get guys like these to open up. But if he's worth it then all the work you put into he opening up is worth it in the end, b/c once he's opened up you have the most important part of him : his heart.

As for your porblem for with chemistry..this stage of love that you are missing only roughly about a year or 2. Though if you do not see each other as much or make an attempt to talk to each other this does put a damper on your feelings. I think that if you really care for this guy you should plan a boyfriend and girlfriend day that only involves the two of you doing things you both enjoy. Like going into your nearest city and walking around or something of that nature. I can relate to feeling distant from my lover but im in college and both live on campus together and there is always so many distractions taking away from our alone time but then a day like this always seems to get us back on track! good luck!