No sex is pulling us apart

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2007
No sex is pulling us apart
3
Sun, 10-21-2007 - 11:06am

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years, and for quite a while now our relationship is suffering because i nearly never want to have sex. We are really good together and get on well and i love him more than anything, and i've tried to sort things out because i really don't want to loose him, but nothing seems to have changed.

I don't know why i don't want to have sex, its not that i'm not attracted to him but whenever he tries it on i push him away, which causes arguments and i avoid any other form of affection just in case it leads to sex, which puts added strain on our relationship because he thinks i'm going off him. I've tried to explain that it's not him but he doesn't believe me. I can't help it i just can't get in the mood, but i feel increasingly depressed by it as i'm gonna loose the most important person in my life.

What can i do, i'm desperate for help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 10-21-2007 - 2:06pm

Welcome to the board vixs13,


When is the last time you saw a doctor? Are you on any meds?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sun, 10-21-2007 - 6:20pm

>>When is the last time you saw a doctor? Are you on any meds?

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2007
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 6:56am
There aren't any other problems in our relationship, both me and my partner agree that everything is perfect apart from that. I am not on any meds, just the contraceptive pill, which i changed about 2 months ago just in case that was affecting my libido, but it hasn't made any difference. As for seeing a doctor, i'm not a very confident person and get very embarrassed and uncomfortable talking face to face to someone i don't know. I wonder if that could be affecting our sex life; i always put myself down and have a very negative view of myself. I read that dressing up for your partner can spice things up again but i don't feel sexy in that stuff.
When this all started I kept getting thrush when we had sex, so we stopped having sex while i went to the doctors and got it sorted out, it turned out that i had a thrush infection. However after finishing my medication the same thing started to happen when we had sex, i went on the internet and read that if its too tight the friction can cause an irritation, so i bought some lubrication and from then on the thrush was gone. Is it possible that because of us not having a lot of sex at that time that i got into a bit of a rut but i don't know how to get out of it!?!?
I'm not sure wether i feel pressurised a bit because my boyfriend said that he feels like i'm not attracted to him, and because we don't have sex very often, when we do it doesn't last very long which makes him feel like the reason i don't want to have sex is because it's not worth it.