Is this normal?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Is this normal?
5
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 12:34pm
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over three months and in those three months we've never spent more than two days apart except for between our first and second date. In fact, since Thanksgiving we've only been apart three days.

We spent an incredibly fun New Years week together down in Miami. I left on Sunday to go back to work this week, but he stayed down in Florida to go on a cruise with fifty good friends. (He had planned the cruise before we met.) He's gone this entire week and I feel completely lost without him. I feel like crying throughout the day, and in fact, cried on the phone with him yesterday as he was taking off for the cruise. (He said that he understood and that he loved me and missed me just as much as I missed him, but didn't couldn't really be that emotional as he's with all of his friends.) I am having such a hard time dealing with him being gone. I almost feel like we are breaking up. Now, I know that this is ridiculous, but is it normal to have these feelings of attachment to someone you love, but whome you've only known for three months? How can I get out of this funk? I don't want to scare him away with the intensity of my feelings.

I would appreciate any thoughts that anyone has. Thanks!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 1:06pm

When you care for someone and havent been seperated for this long before, you are going to feel this way. Keep in mind, that the seperation is only temporary.In the meantime, hang with freinds, get some alone time in, you'll be happy you did later on. Point is, he is ,making the most of this break and you should too.


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 3:34pm
Do you feel like you are making him your entire world? Do you still see your friends? Do you enjoy work, school, hobbies?

You shouldn't make another person responsible for your happiness for the very reason that you are describing. Have you done this in the past with other guys?

Avatar for skisgirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 4:14pm
This 'week' off sounds like something you've both needed.

This gave you both some breathing room away from each other (which is healthy btw).

But it's also giving you the realization that you're too emotionally dependant on him, and that is NOT healthy.

Do you two always spend every available minute together for the last four months? If this is the case, then it's time to re-evaluate the relationship.

I'm not saying break up, not at all, but if you want this relationship to last then you need to allow him to have some breathing room without giving him grief about it.

What do you do for yourself? Are you happy with YOU alone, not you with a man?

Because only a woman who is happy, healthy and content with herself can have a happy, healthy and content relationship with another.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2003
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 4:21pm
I would have to say that after three months, having feelings that intense doesn't seem normal. We've all gone through the novelty stage, but it seems to be a little extreme. I would definitely be worried that you might frighten him away with being over-emotional.

Good Luck.

Sarah
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 5:32pm
Thanks for your response and for everyone elses as well.

I definitely have grown too dependant on my boyfriend. I still see my friends and continue with my activities, so I do still have my own life, but even after spending a day with friends or with volunteer activities, I always still see him at night. So really, what this has all shown me is that we need to spend a few nights apart every week. I shouldn't feel so attached to him at this stage. In the past, I've never done this with another boyfriend. In fact, I tend to be a pretty independant person, whose lived on her own for years and enjoy spending time on my own. However, lately I would rather be with him than by myself.

I really appreciate hearing what everyone has had to say. But now my question is, has anyone ever felt this dependant in a relationship and then slowed things down to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship?