not enough attention

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2004
not enough attention
6
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 2:54pm
My husband is a very loving man,except when it comes to me on a personal level. Since I have had my children and my breast reduction he seems that he doesn't think I am pretty any more. He doesn't give any compliments or doesn't even try to grab or touch me. I am working on losing weight and doing well at. I have other friends who are male and they tell me how well I look. But the one I want to hear it from isn't saying anything. I dont'know what to do. I just want him to notice me again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2004
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 6:55pm
I for one am going to tell you that you are doing great in wanting to go that extra mile to take care of yourself.

Maybe it is intimidating to him that you are doing all of this for yourself, and maybe he is scared that once you reach your desired goal, you are going top look at him and say, look at me now! and look at you, I deserve better.

Men sometimes get insecure when they notice that what was once "comfortable" is now changing and maybe he just really loved your large breasts, and loved you the way you were, and is now wondering if you will change after you complete your goals.

You have to reassure him that you love him, and that no matter what PHYSICAL changes you go through that you only have eyes, and a heart for him. Make sure you spend time with him even with your workout routines.

Try asking him to wash your back after a workout, and complimenting him on his strong hands and how much you love it when he touches you. Make him feel that you glow when his hands carress you. Use this new you to seduce him, trust me he'll fall at your very willing feet!

Be Blessed and good luck on your weight goals!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 9:05pm
Have you communicated your feelings with him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2004
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 11:03am
I try but I have a tendancy to make it all my fault and tell him I will change for him. I know he loves me but sometimes looks say more than anything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2004
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 11:44am
Don't ever fault yourself for doing something to change your life for the better. And don't ever change yourself because someone else wants you to.If you feel you need to change something to be a better person then go for it, but if you change because he doesn't like something then you will only end up resenting him in the end. I've been there. I agree men do not like change, it takes my S/O weeks to adjust to a change, but he does eventually. Men are a lot like little kids, and they need to know that regardless of what you are doing to make yourself a better person, its not just for you its for everyone. You need to reassure him that by making yourself a healthier person you are giving your relationship a better chance of lasting a long lifetime. You also need to let him know that you need him to support you. Try to get him to participate in your workouts,it will add a closeness to your relationship and he may start feeling better about you, himself and your relationship, who knows .. it may even improve your sex life ;-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2004
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 7:07pm
I do give him alot of attention, I try to focus on him so he doesn't feel like I neglect him. Sometimes I wonder if I don't give him to much and don't worry about my self.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 9:03pm
You are not doing him opr your marriage any favors by taking blame. He justs gets used to blaming you that way.

You are not a victim or responsible for anyone else's problems.

Maybe it is time for counseling.