Not enough quality time
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Not enough quality time
| Thu, 01-29-2004 - 2:21pm |
It all begins here, right now in the present. You see, I've been with my partner for 4 years now and we have created wonderful memories together. We have lived together for about a year and then I decided to move out because I finished college and got a job in a city two hours away. I am 26 and she is 25. She is in the process of finishing her degree. We have had troubles especially when I was living in another city. It wasn't the distance, it was me not showing her that she was important to me, which she is. She left me or wanted to take a break, and I went nuts because I truly love her. I was scared because she wanted to move ahead and get married, but I was scared. Committment issues, I guess. Well, I finally decided that I wasn't going to let my fear run my life and that I was going to give her all of me. I opened up, told her my feelings, made her feel special. Now, she is somewhat of a person who over commits themselves. This past fall she worked full time during her companies busy season and went to school. I'm telling you that during the busy season she wouldn't leave the office until 10 or 11 at night. Then study when she got home. She ran herself ragged and totally pushed me aside. We took a break from each other and now we are back together working things out. I'm confused because she got all these feelings out of me and sometimes I feel neglected because she is finishing her degree and doesn't have much time for me. I believe it isn't the time thing bothering me though. You see, in the first three years together, she never had a problem showing me that she does love me and that I was important to her. She got it in her head that she has to do things all by herself. Which is understandable, but when you love someone, it shouldn't be hard to show them... Right? She tells me she doesn't want anyone else and that her feelings are strong for me. We don't live together and god I miss living with her. Being able to open the closet every morning and seeing her clothes hanging next to mine. I am not what you would call very patient. When I want something, I do everything possible to get it. I want to be more patient though with our relationship. I'm not looking at rushing to the alter or starting a family. I want some romance, some appreciation that I did sacrifice alot of myself to work things out. I feel like I'm just someone there and she doesn't see me. I know she loves me and I trust her. But, where did the surprises go or the little things that made me feel important go. Like love notes, cards, touches, hugs and kisses, sexy surprises... She use to make me feel special and strong like a king. I treat her with respect, and like a queen that she is. I'm confused and hurt. I'm wondering what happened to all of those little things.
