not feeling the love, what to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2004
not feeling the love, what to do?
1
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 6:36pm
i've been dating this guy for almost 1 and 1/2 yrs. i love him and i know he loves me. he's being very distant, yet he's reassured me that it's not about me, that he just needs a couple days to himself to get back on track. a couple days is fine by me, i know it's important to give them space. but it's been 2 1/2 weeks since i've seen him. and i've felt in the past 6 months that we've been spending less & less time together. we've talked about a future together, but the relationship feels so unstable, each time we move forward, he takes two steps back and becomes more distant.

it has been very difficult for me. i feel like he's totally extracted himself from this relationship. we'd go for days without talking and then i'd call to check in. he hasn't been very responsive, waiting until the next day to call me back. this infuriates me! but i feel like i can't tell him about it becasue he's in his cave.

our conversations have been strained. i feel like i'm totally shut out. he's not putting any effort into this relationship and i feel really unimportant to him. it would be so easy for him to just call me back, and even take the initiative to call me on his own. but he doesn't. i'm not feeling the love, i'm not happy with the way things are going. is it wrong to expect there to still be communication when they need their alone time?

i have a life and have been active with friends and doing things for myself. i don't feel dependant on him for my happiness, yet at the same time i'm unhappy with the way things are going. i just don't think it's right to be able to completely disappear from a relationship with someone for 2 weeks. a few days i'm ok w/ but i'm not feeling like i'm getting what i deserve. i'm just scared this is a pattern. what happens if we live together or are married? does he just go away for weeks on end and not call me. is this normal behavior for a guy in a relationship? how much should the girl take?

anyone else going through this?


Edited 8/3/2004 8:12 pm ET ET by spicemamacaw

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 7:12pm
It sounds like he wants out of the relationship and dosen't know how to get out without hurting you. Maybe you should do him a favor and let him go. He's definately not being a good boyfriend and you don't have to put up with that behavior.