"not his priority" Help Please

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
"not his priority" Help Please
13
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 1:45pm
I guess I should give you all some background on my relationship since I never posted to this board before:

I have been w./ my bf a little over 1 1/2 years but it has not been 100% wonderful the entire time. He seems to go about 6 months and then act out on our relationship. He will go out and get girls numbers and he has even cheated on me. He cheated on me about 6 months ago and I felt that he was sorry so I "forgave" him. About a month ago he went out to a bar and got some girls phone number. I found the paper w./ her number on it and confronted him...he told me she just gave it to him which I found out to be a lie. He said that he wouldn't talk to her again but 2 nights later he went to the same bar and asked her for her number AGAIN. I don't get it??? He said that he had no intention of EVER calling her so why would he do it. I don't think he necessarily would have called her either and neither do friends.

It just seems as if for the past few months that everytime he goes out, I stay at home. It is always a "guy thing" and I am never included anymore. We use to go out together all of the time to bars and whatnot but not lately. I told him that it bothers me but nothing has been readjusted to fix it. I hate it! I do not have any friends in the area that I live and he has tons so it's not like I can out w.o./ him.

My problem now is yesterday. He had a bad day at work and I understand that but he was blowing me off like I meant nothing to him. He was having a guys night last night so I just waited for him to come aruond and call me. When he did he was rude to me. I asked him if anyone was around him and he said "no." I asked him when we would be able to talk again and he said "maybe later, maybe tomorrow." He told me that talking to me was not a priority!!!! What is w./ that???!!! It wound up that he called me a few hours later and after 1 minute he was rushing me off the phone by saying, "bye, bye, bye, bye...." and so on. One of his friends was in the room (all guys) which he said no one was in there! I asked him why he was being like that and he said "I don't know," I told him that he was being mean and he said, "I know!" He was on IM so I wrote to him knowing damn well that his friends were in there and reading it so I went on about how he was disrespectful to me and put me on display infront of his friends. If they weren't there he would have told me all about his day and been nice so why the act infront of his friends??

A few hours later (around 2am) he wrote to me and told me that he wanted me to come over...feeling a little guilty for his actions, I think. I then called him to talk and he was automatically RUDE AGAIN.

I wrote him an e-mail hours ago asking if he wanted to do lunch but he never wrote me back :(

Why the act infront of his friends. Is it a guy thing that they wanna see how far they can push it infront of people????

Oh did I mention that I HATE his secretary at work...LOL That is for another post...recovering drug addict, calls him after hours and now joined the same sports team as him. I HATE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 5:24pm
Well said. Sometimes people need to be shaken to wake up and see the obvious (what other objective bystanders can plainly see). I think that's what everyone here is trying to do for you. Some had harsh words, but they are well meaning. They think you deserve better and feel angry that you yourself don't seem to think so.

Please always remember this: you'll only end up with exactly what you accept for yourself. If this is what you choose, then you'll never end up with better. And...don't complain about it if you choose it.

But I hope some day soon you will see the light and know that real love is not like this at all. It involves respect, consideration and behavioral choices that are based on such. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 7:27pm
I know what I say comes bluntly, but I do it for a reason with the best of hopes for you.

With my past, I accepted too much bad and ended up taking alot of abuse. People tried to tell me that I didnt deserve it. Up to a POINT, they were right, you know? After that, it was my decision on what was acceptable or not.

Truth is that I wasnt even fooling myself anymore. Honey, I let this horrible man (boy, waste, whatever

Do you know what finally made me leave? My kids. I wouldnt let them grow up and take this type of behavior. Thats what finally made me realize that if they deserved more, quite possibly I did too? See, I cant even now get past all that he did to me, I will carry it. I dont want you to either.

It hurts you, therefore its wrong. Love is NOT supposed to hurt like that. Its not supposed to damage your self-esteem or make you devalued in any way.

Now, six years later, I found a GOOD one. (I found some others that were good for other people but just not good enough for my family, know what I mean?) He stood beside me through some bad things, like me gettng cervical cancer, accepts my children as much as me and OMG are we loved.

I know it hurts to be in a bad situation, but you know how to feel better? Leave it. You. are. worth, more!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 9:45pm
HE IS A VERY BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD MAN WHO YOU ACCIDENTLY GOT ATTACHED TO.

YOU CAN'T CHANGE HIM

YOU CAN'T TRUST HIM

YOU CAN'T LIVE WITH HIM

YOU CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT HE SAYS

YOU CAN'T MARRY HIM (HOPEFULLY NOT ANYWAY)

YOU MAY GET A DISEASE FROM HIM

YOU MAY GET HEARTACHE FROM HIM

YOU MAY GET CRAP FROM HIM

WE CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ARE THINKING OF STAYING WITH HIM.

ARE YOU COMPLETELY NUTZ, MY FRIEND? PLEEEEEZE RESPECT YOUR PRECIOUS SELF AND LEAVE. MEET A BETTER MAN WHO THERE IS SOME KIND OF POSSIBLE FUTURE WITH. YOU SOUND SMART AND NICE, GET AWAY FROM THIS COMPLETE LOSER, PLEASE!

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