"not in love anymore"

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2012
"not in love anymore"
6
Tue, 02-21-2012 - 2:25pm

Hello everyone. I would like to ask to get some opinions on the situation I am dealing with and I truly appreciate all of your advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Tue, 02-21-2012 - 4:52pm

(((Remainhipeful13)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 02-21-2012 - 5:01pm

I'm so sorry your hurting and sorry to tell you this, but when you hear "I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore" it ususally means your H is seeing someone else. But they usually want to keep you waiting in the wings for them until they have their little fling and see if that is going to work out first. It sounds like your H has already had a few EAS and will never be happy with just getting attention from ONE woman (you) He thrives on getting an ego boost, validation and attention from these other women in order to feel good about himself. In all honesty since he has a pattern of having EAS (and counseling hasn't really worked) I'd really think about cutting your losses and getting out of the marriage if I were you. I don't think one womans attention will ever be enough for him. GOOD LUCK.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2011
Tue, 02-21-2012 - 5:49pm
Hello there! I agree with Ollie and Peace. You are his rock, his stability in his chaotic world so I can see how he needs you, but in an unfair way to you. He can't have his cake and eat it too. Not right, dishonest, deceptive. I also think that he might like the euphoria that comes with a new relationship. Everything new, fresh, interesting. Everything that needs to end so the real relationship begins. With it comes life with all the struggles and challenges we face. With it comes from learning to love each other's strengths and weaknesses, similarities and differences.

IMO, he has the most changing to do, and also has to put in the most effort. No wishy washy stuff. Like Ollie said, he is in or out. Or he let's you go. On the other hand, the only person you can control is yourself.. Take this time to focus on yourself and your own healing. You too can make the decision to walk forward with or without him. Only you know how much you can handle and for how long.

Take care, Goodluck to you. Very very sorry for your pain.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Wed, 02-22-2012 - 12:44am

You want nothing more than to work it out with him.....but the problem is that HE doesn't want to work it out!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Wed, 02-22-2012 - 8:47am

The other ladies put it better than I could. I agree you should find a lawyer... Not even three years into a marriage and he's not in love with you anymore, and is having emotional affairs. At this point, trying to keep your marriage intact would be forcing a round peg into a square hole.


"He remains to be living seperate from me. He asked if I was willing to try working it out living seperately and we could take baby steps and start fresh"

I'm sorry to say this but he's asking to distance himself from you so that he can pursue other women and make it look like he's "working" on your relationship. Living separately causes more distance, not closeness.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2012
Wed, 02-22-2012 - 6:26pm
I appreciate all of your inputs and thoughts. I am currently seeing a therapist on my own to really sort through my feelings and figure things out for me now.

Your words gave me strength & hope & I read appreciate you taking the time to write back :) thank you so much!