Not quite engaged
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|Fri, 06-14-2013 - 12:58pm|
Sorry, I know there is a "not quite engaged" board but it does not seem to get a whole lot of traffic.
Maybe someone can help me out with some advice here, and at the very least it will make me feel better to type it out. Here it goes.
I've been with my BF for about a year and a half. I'm in my early 30's, him his early 40's. No kids between the two of us. (None desired, either). He was married for almost 15 years and I met him when he was separated. Last summer, the divorce was final.
I love him very much and want to be with him. He has asked me to move in but I refuse without a ring. He has a house about 20 minutes from me and I have an apartment. I explained that I need (not want) that level of commitment before I move in. Plus not that he would, but I have no legal claims to the house. If I'm helping to pay that mortgage- my name better be on it. I don't want to put myself in a difficult position.
So we have discussed this a few times and he understands how I feel. My current issue is that I don't have any sort of sense of a timeline to being engaged. I know a year and a half isn't particularly long, but to me it was an easy decision. He is the one I want to be with.
Last night I was over at the house and he said he would like my help with "furniture shopping" this weekend and named a few stores he wanted to go to. He's looking for a new couch, preferably an L-shaped one and maybe a futon for the other room. As he is saying the words, I'm thinking to myself "I have a futon in my guest room that is barely used. I also have an L-shaped couch in my living room".
If he is looking to buy furniture that I already have, then that tells me this man is not looking to propose to me any time soon. (Thus me moving in).
I would like to approach him about this tonight and would care for some guidance on how to bring it up. Basically, hit him with the "where is this going" speech. He often says the words "when we are living together some day" but as mentioned, there is no sense of time of when that is.
My lease renewal will be up at the end of the summer. He knows when my lease is up and my hope was to not have to renew. At this point, I don't see it going that way. I'm paying in rent almost what is is paying in mortgage. Please do not interpret that as I want to move in for financial reasons. Fact is, everyone knows two incomes are better than one. I made the choice not to move in without the engagement and I want to stick by that. Combined income is just a plus that I am looking forward to.
Tonight we are going to dinner with another couple. After dinner, back at the house- I would like to bring this up. I thought of starting out by mentioned his decision to go furniture shopping and take it from there. My goal is not for him to feel pressured nor am I giving him an ultimatum. (Yet). Maybe part of his thinking is that he hasn't been divorced long and they were together a long time. (No major event led to the breakup. Just years of them growing apart and wanting different things). However, I've never based our relationship on how long he has been divorced. I base it on how I feel about him, how good of a man he is, and how much I want to be with him.
This is my third serious relationship and I was engaged before. Obviously that didn't work out but it was for the best. My current BF makes me feel like no man ever has before. He treats me so well and makes me feel beautiful every day. He's not perfect by any means, but he is right for me.
I don't anticipate this being any type of fight (we rarely argue) but I just think it is something I need to bring up and need clarification on.
Thanks for reading.