Not sure if I can deal anymore.....
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| Sat, 03-24-2007 - 10:11pm |
Ok, I'll apologize in advance if this is too long, but I have no one to relate to and am at my wits end. My BF and I have been together for alomst 3 years. He is 31, I am 21 and he has an 11 year old son from a previous GF. Bf and I both have some depression issues and go though some serious winter-blues not to mention his work is seasonal so winter is a very tight time of year. This year was better than the past 2 as far as the fighting over little things, but we got a puppy in the fall and anyone who has had a puppy knows how frustrating this can be.
We have different ideas on what behaviors are acceptable in a dog and which are not, he says no licking, sniffing, or excessive excitement, I on the other hand LIKE dogs and so allow these behaviors. He gets angry at the dog for basic puppy antics and I feel like I have to step in and keep BF from getting angry. This of course doesnt work, BF only gets angry at me for stepping in (please note, BF doesnt use any physical punishment with dog at all). This wouldnt be such a big deal except for the major fact that one of my goals in life is be a foster parent(animal) for a local rescue and he wouldnt be able to deal with half trained dogs. Even if I didnt do that, I am focusing my education and life experiences to be a professional dog trainer, not gonna happen without owning and training a few dogs first though (like a mechanic with a broken car). Also if we can't agree on how to raise a dog, how can we ever raise children?
On to his child: we, child and I, had a great relationship for the first year and half (I love you's, hugs, the whole bit) until the childs mother got jealous and kept him from us for 6 months and then had BF arrested in front of then 9 year old, for no reason but spitefulness and an unpaid license fee. When child came back into our lives there was palpable awkwardness, he wouldnt look me in the eye, definitely no hugs. Since then child was disrespectful reguarding my family on more than a few occasions and when I tried to explain why he shouldnt say those things, BF questioned me for doing it before he even knew what the issue was (after telling me in the beginning that I could reprimand child however I see fit, I didnt agree with that so I never did). now child doesnt even look at me as a figure deserving of respect, he completely bypasses my opinion or say so, and if I do answer a question he immediatley second guesses me. I have to prove why I'm right with him every single time. Now because this went on so long, I now have feelings of antipathy towards the child. I know that they're not entirely rational but when he looks right through me, when he ignores anything I say. Its so frustrating, especially when things were so good before.
I come from a broken family, had the stepmother and mother's boyfriends, I like to think I understand the plight of two-home children, I also remember how I hated my stepmother being more motherly or parental than I felt she had the right to, so I was very careful with child not to do that. I've tried to explain to BF that I'm not his mother, not his parent. He wants me to be more motherly, I am 21, I am in school, I work hard and dont have alot of spare time when child comes over, I do try to make time, but sometimes its not possible. So today, we were all sposed to go to a cookout but BF was too crabby, so I said nicely why dont you two go by yoursleves, so you can spend some time around your friends, he agrees and then at the last minute says he's leaving child here, I become upset because I had plans for nice relaxing evening at home and say that I really didnt plan on babysitting tonight, and he gets angry that I consider it babysitting. I know that we are all sposed to be a nice big happy family, but I just really dont feel that way and when BF pushes me about it, sometimes I forget and my real feelings slip out. So I guess my questions are:
How do I handle the dog issue (I cant get rid of the animal I dont believe in that sort of thing)?
How do I like his child?
How do I get his child to respect me?
How do I find a good family counselor?
How do I know when a relationship is done with?
Thanks for any and every response and thanks for readinf my novel!

Hi huskypitbull and welcome to the board.
You have a list of good questions.