not sure if this relationship is over or how to save it

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
not sure if this relationship is over or how to save it
19
Fri, 06-17-2011 - 11:48pm

I've been dating this guy for two and a half years.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

I don't think twenty pounds is the cause of your problems.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

Whoknows, you've painted a very bleak picture of this relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

Fissatore, I agree with most of what you wrote.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004

Thanks. The comments were helpful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007

It seems to me that he's told you that he liked you the way you were when he met you and he'd be happy with the relationship if you returned to that state (lost 20 pounds). I think he said it numerous times. But you don't seem to be doing anything about his input. He can see that you're not responding and this probably makes him believe his input and his feelings and preferences are meaningless to you. This probably makes him feel insecure about your feelings for him and insecure about the relationship. He has tried to end the relationship due to this, but he keeps giving it one more chance and one more chance. This doesn't seem like rocket science.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

true.blue.strine wrote:

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004

You may be right about the weight issue...but how is it supposed to make me feel that what I look like is mainly what he's interested in.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
There is nothing wrong with wanting someone to love you for who you are and not what you look like. But why have you not expressed this to him when he talks about your weight? By being open and honest, you can gauge his reaction. If he recoils or stutters...you will know that you hit the nail on the head and this guy is not worth thinking twice about. Move on w/a clear head.

As a side note, you mention that you always pay for half of everything you do. Why is this relevant? I don't expect men to pay my way for things just bc they are the "man"...you may say this bc he acts like an "old fashioned" guy and so you are expecting it. I suspect this bc you wrote that he controlled the r/ship. This is me is a serious red flag. Tho you didn't go into detail. I made 3X the salary my DH does when we met. He would often suggest we say in and make something together for dinner...I told him that I really had no interest in doing that but I understood it was difficult for him. I told him I was going out for dinner and wouldn't mind buying it for both of us. He was uncomfortable with it but I told him I was not willing to give it up so I understand that it was my standard and thus my responsibility. I think that expecting a man to pay for everything past a couple of dates is ridiculous nowadays...this is a tradition that hails back to a time when women didn't have jobs and money of their own. Now that we do, it should not be expected. IMHO.

Good luck finding someone who loves you for who you are,

Dee
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
whoknows2004 wrote:

You may be right about the weight issue...but how is it supposed to make me feel that what I look like is mainly what he's interested in.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008

Whoknows,

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