Not sure what to do
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Not sure what to do
| Wed, 08-04-2004 - 9:36am |
Well where should i begin. My husband and I have been together for over 8 years been married 5 this year, (yeah). Anyway we have one child together but 3 total (he has 2 boys that live w/us.) Anyway my husband likes to stop after work and have a drink and when he gets home he becomes verbally abusive. This has been going on for the last 8 years. I have no idea what to do. Our daughter and I have left 2 times and I always told him if we ever leave again I won't be back. You see the first time I left we were not married but had our daughter and it was my first child to ever have and as a new mom she scared the hell out of me of course. Anyway when he wouldn't come home right after work I would take her in her car seat to the bar and tell him "say good night to your daughter". (not a smart thing i know) Anyway after we left to live back w/ my parents I would call him and keep seeing him hoping that it would change and it did he asked me to marrry him and i said yes. (why i am stilling wondering) anyway it didn't get any better. Than after being married 3 years i left again b/c of money situation we both agreed on it would be best if i left and that way he couldn't verbally abuse me. Right! Well i came back again b/c i still called and chased after him. Like always. His boys moved in before i left that time and it was hard on me b/c i wasn't working and he was paying everything. And i was spending trying to make their move good you know. Anyway lately he is still doing the samething drinking and yelling at me and i don't want our daughter to ever meet or marry a guy like her father b/c it isn't right. I am gettting freed up being call a worthless bitch and that i don't do anything at home all day but sit on my fat ass and eat which i don't i run the kids everywhere and clean but of course he doesnt' c that. I have really thought long and hard about this and to make myself and my daughter better people i feel that if i left out of this she will see me as a strong woman in here life. Please help i don't know what to do if i should just stay or leave. He always tell me that if I leave no one in their right mind would ever want me b/c i am a bitch and worthless. when i feel that yeah he would find someone for a bit but never would anyone stay b/c they would have to put up w/ his ex - wife and the kids and him . I do love the boys we have come a long way and sometimes i feel that is why i stay b/c of them. HELP

Then why on earth would *you* want to be married to him?
'He always tell me that if I leave no one in their right mind would ever want me'
If you believe this than it is time to go to therapy. Figure out why you are putting up with him. Besides, this isn't about you finding another man, it is about getting away from this horrible situation and concentrating on your daughter for awhile.
sweetie. he has a drinking problem (addiction) and you are his enabler, and your dd will definately grow up and marry an addict of some kind, or be in some other type of unhealthy relationship, i can ASSURE you that. this is what she saw growing up, *she* doesn't think there is anything *wrong* about a drunk abusive man in the house.
its VERY VERY hard to leave an abusive man, especially when YOU are the enabler (i.e., you are the one always covering his *ss, you are the one making the excuses, etc except for the few times a year/month that you *lose it* and then you yell or scream or do dumb things like take your dd to the bar).