Not sure what to do...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2008
Not sure what to do...
3
Mon, 08-25-2008 - 10:43pm
I really need advice, sorry this is long...in april of 2007, i was looking for a roommate to move into the extra room in my condo. The guy that i found to be my roommate became my boyfriend a few weeks after he moved in. Everything was wonderful, or so i thought, for the first 14 months. But, two weeks ago, i logged into facebook for the first time. I was looking at his profile and found a few messages, dated Sept 2007, from a girl that were quite questionable. She was asking if he'd be around to hang out and i found some pics he posted where he said he had traveled abroad when I know he hadnt. The same girl was asking him questions about his trip. The problem was, I couldnt see any of his responses. So...I messaged her and she messaged me back telling me that he cheated on me with her. So i confronted my boyfriend about it when he returned from his trip. He admitted to seeing her last september but promised that nothing happened, he told me they met up for dinner and coffee. He said that was the last time he had seen her and has only briefly spoken with her since. He said he wanted to make sure he didnt have feelings for her anymore, and after seeing her, he knew he didnt have feelings for her. Apparently he was seeing her on and off before we got together, and 4 months after we started dating wanted to make sure he didnt want to be with her.
Anyways, I think we talked through that and he understood why i was upset and was very sorry for what he had done. The next day, the girl from facebook messaged me and said she had seen him during her spring break, but when i looked up her schools' spring break, it was the same time me and my BF were on vacation in the Carribean. So I knew she was lying to some degree.
Anyways, I think with time I will trust him again, but I still have some doubts.
Another thing that worries me...I was just online tonight and saw in the internet history that he was on Roommates.com a week or so ago. As I said before, we live together. So now I'm confused about why he is looking for a roommate. He posted his profile on roommates.com before all the drama with facebook happened. And since then he has been very affectionate and I think he has learned to appreciate me more. He has been telling me that he wants to get away on vacation with me and that I am very good to him and that he's sorry.
Any thoughts on what I should do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 08-25-2008 - 10:56pm

He only secretly went out to dinner and coffee with his ex-girlfriend while he had a girlfriend but oh no, he wouldn't possibly cheat...

Don't blind yourself to the obvious warning signs this guy is sending out. He's also probably looking to move out. You have the puzzle pieces, when the pieces fit the whole picture looks like the most obvious conclusion.

If you want to start trusting him, you'll have to stop spying on him - ask him if he intends on continuing to live with you. I DO want you keep your eyes open for signs, subtle and obvious, that things aren't going according to what you'd like to think.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 08-26-2008 - 4:17pm

Welcome to the board lmgrl08,


I agree with eggbertshootsfire.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Tue, 08-26-2008 - 6:20pm

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