Not sure what to do anymore

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2004
Not sure what to do anymore
2
Sun, 04-18-2004 - 8:02pm
My husband and I have been having problems for the past year and it is getting to the point where I am not quite sure what to do anymore. My husband experiences bouts of depression and he is supposed to be taking Zoloft to help him. When he takes his medication I definitely see an improvement but when he doesn't take his medication he withdraws from the family. Over the past 90 days things were much better but over the past 3 weeks he has been withdrawing from the family. He plays his computer game to the point of obsession, this occurs even when he is supposed to be taking care of our 3 children. Because he gets so involved in this computer game he does not feed them, maintain the house, or pay attention to them.

The other problem is that I have been having issues with my health - thyroid problems. I had my thyroid removed and my levels are out of control, so I feel that some of this is my fault or maybe I am imagining it.

We had an argument last night because he has played his game for the past 3 nights straight until the last evening, he then sleeps in the next day, often leaving the girls on their own. I asked him what was bothering him, he stated that there was nothing wrong it must be me. I told him that he has been out of control on the game again and that he is obsessed with it. He has not spoken to me since and spent all of today in our room in bed.Our daughter has come down with the stomach flu and he has still not come to help our show that he cares.

I have really tried to make this marriage work but I don't know what to do, when I went to check his medication he has only taken about 10 days worth over the past 60 days. So what do I do??????/
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 12:39pm
Hi, wow that's a lot to be going through, especially with health concerns of your own! First, I would say not to take this all as your fault or your imagining or your thyroid causing things. Yes thyroid problems can cause issues but, don't let it be used against you or to manipulate you. It is really too nice for you to think, 'maybe it's me' when your husband really is not taking responsibility for things if he's playing games for 3 days straight and hiding out in bed when there are children to take care of. The thing is though, he also might not be able to be fully responsible. I think it would be best if you asked him if you could talk. Let him know you know he's having a rough time and you really want to be there for him because you love him, but you also need help too and you can't do everything. Let him know you don't know what to do and are open to suggestions from him, what does he think is the best way to handle things -together-? Also, is there other support you can call on now? Any relatives or friends nearby of yours or his that can help with the children, help around the house. It really sounds like with the health issues of both of you that you need more support. I would talk with him about this too because no matter what issues you two might have, there are innocents involved that are going to be picking up negative issues from this experience.

After getting more support for help at home, I think there needs support for you perhaps. Maybe a families dealing with depression group. Is your husband seeing a regular counselor or just a psych doctor? When he doesn't take his medicine, it sounds like it's really confusing to you because he seems better when he takes it. Maybe makes you wonder if he wants to get better. Have you talked with him about the medicine? Maybe he feels bad to have to need medicine, or maybe the medicine makes him feel not himself. I have been on Zoloft before, and at first it helped a lot to even out negative feelings. But after a while, I realized I didn't feel extreme highs either and it was kind of numb. So perhaps he doesn't take them so he can have full range of his emotions. But I don't know the severity of his depression either.. This is all things that should be discussed with a counselor in my opinion.

That's all my thoughts now, good luck to you I really wish you and your family well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 1:44pm
For your children's sake, go back to the counselor with him, insist. If this was any other 'babysitter' you would have FIRED the sitter.


Carrie