not sure what is going!!!!!!
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not sure what is going!!!!!!
| Mon, 01-12-2004 - 2:43pm |
My husband and I have been married for 5 years, together for 61/2 yrs.
We have had a fairly good relationship for most of our marriage. Until
lately. My husband has been out of work since Oct. every winter around
Feb. he is off. Because Feb. is a slow month for construction in Alaska.
So since Oct. he has been around me 24/7. I run a in home child care.
My hubby used to help out. Help with dishes, laundry, and helping me
keep the kids busy. But the help stop about 6 weeks ago. Now he is up
till 3am slepping till noon. He won't shower till 4pm or sometimes won't
even shower. I asked if he was depressed he says no. He (lets call him
Biff). Biff says he has been working since 1977, and now he wants to do nothing.
I understand his need for a break. Everybody needs a break once in a while.
But I am feeling used or overly used. Biff dose not pick up after himself.
He dose help out once every few days by doing the dishes. And I am greatly apperciate
any help I get. But when he is laying around the house in his sweats, laying all day in bed or on the couch. It is unmotiveating. (I am not a good speller). Seeing him lie around while I am srubbing the toilet, or trying to clean and pick up toys. It makes me want to be lazy. And I can't be lazy than nothing will get done. I am turned off completely. For the frist time in 5 yrs. of marriage. We have nothing to talk about, nothing other than our kids. Our kids are also feeling the effects. With all his free time I thought he would spend more time with the boys, take them sledding, ice fishing,ect. Nope nothing.
I feel like I am failing him. Than other times I feel like he is failing me. Isn't the husband suppose to work? How much do I put up with? How do I support someone who isn't or won't support us (his family).
When I ask him if he could watch the kids on Friday so I could go hang out with friends. He got mad at me, he said all I want to do is go out and don't bother coming home. So he made me feel so bad that I started crying. So after makeing me feel like crap. He said go out have fun. How do you have fun when your mate just yelled at you and made you feel like crap. But I went out anyways. And I enjoyed myself and actually felt relaxed. Normal. I asked him to come out with me he said NO!!
What am I suppose to do put up with it til he goes back to work, whenever that may be? Do I leave my home and business? Do I lose my mind slowly as my husband does nothing?
I have no family here. Most of my friends don't live here any more, the ones I do have My hubby has alienated them. He is becoming cruel and I feel like he is trying to isolate me. He wants me to be with him all the time. He needs to know what I am doing.
I send him to the store so I can have a few minutes to myself. I am starting to feel trapped and alone. Like I am living with a stranger.
Please try not to judge me. I just want a little advice, understanding, help? I am 31 yrs. old, we have four kids 7,7,5,3.
We have had a fairly good relationship for most of our marriage. Until
lately. My husband has been out of work since Oct. every winter around
Feb. he is off. Because Feb. is a slow month for construction in Alaska.
So since Oct. he has been around me 24/7. I run a in home child care.
My hubby used to help out. Help with dishes, laundry, and helping me
keep the kids busy. But the help stop about 6 weeks ago. Now he is up
till 3am slepping till noon. He won't shower till 4pm or sometimes won't
even shower. I asked if he was depressed he says no. He (lets call him
Biff). Biff says he has been working since 1977, and now he wants to do nothing.
I understand his need for a break. Everybody needs a break once in a while.
But I am feeling used or overly used. Biff dose not pick up after himself.
He dose help out once every few days by doing the dishes. And I am greatly apperciate
any help I get. But when he is laying around the house in his sweats, laying all day in bed or on the couch. It is unmotiveating. (I am not a good speller). Seeing him lie around while I am srubbing the toilet, or trying to clean and pick up toys. It makes me want to be lazy. And I can't be lazy than nothing will get done. I am turned off completely. For the frist time in 5 yrs. of marriage. We have nothing to talk about, nothing other than our kids. Our kids are also feeling the effects. With all his free time I thought he would spend more time with the boys, take them sledding, ice fishing,ect. Nope nothing.
I feel like I am failing him. Than other times I feel like he is failing me. Isn't the husband suppose to work? How much do I put up with? How do I support someone who isn't or won't support us (his family).
When I ask him if he could watch the kids on Friday so I could go hang out with friends. He got mad at me, he said all I want to do is go out and don't bother coming home. So he made me feel so bad that I started crying. So after makeing me feel like crap. He said go out have fun. How do you have fun when your mate just yelled at you and made you feel like crap. But I went out anyways. And I enjoyed myself and actually felt relaxed. Normal. I asked him to come out with me he said NO!!
What am I suppose to do put up with it til he goes back to work, whenever that may be? Do I leave my home and business? Do I lose my mind slowly as my husband does nothing?
I have no family here. Most of my friends don't live here any more, the ones I do have My hubby has alienated them. He is becoming cruel and I feel like he is trying to isolate me. He wants me to be with him all the time. He needs to know what I am doing.
I send him to the store so I can have a few minutes to myself. I am starting to feel trapped and alone. Like I am living with a stranger.
Please try not to judge me. I just want a little advice, understanding, help? I am 31 yrs. old, we have four kids 7,7,5,3.

He's been out of work since October and coming up on the slow time for his field so it doesn't look like he will get work soon. This is very tough for a man - like you said, men are supposed to support their families. He knows that. He probably feels like he is failing as a man.
His habits changed rather quickly - went from working around the house and spending time with the kids to staying up all hours, sleeping half the day, not getting dressed, not showering, laying around all the time. Now he's paranoid about you going out and acting cruel to you.
I'd call the family doctor and see what he or she says. The doctor will know what resources there are in your area and may make a referal so I'd start with that.