Not Sure What I Think

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2011
Not Sure What I Think
Thu, 10-27-2011 - 12:41pm

Ok, so as some of you know my husband befriended some HS classmates on his Facebook who happen to be friends with my brother-in-law (a man who molested my husband as a child and who raped me as an adult.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Thu, 10-27-2011 - 4:09pm

Chloe, I'm so glad to hear that he's been culling his associated friend list.

As for your question, I don't think this is about her feelings vs your feelings.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2006
Fri, 10-28-2011 - 9:36am

"Now he's "worried" that he said/did something wrong to offend her so he's been messaging her brother to find out.

I'm not sure what I think about that but it doesn't feel right to me that he should react more bothered by THAT than he has been about "my" feelings at the idea of my rapist having any connection to our life."

"THAT" = his worry = his feelings

Therefore, what you are saying in your statement is: I don't know why he feels like he does, but I don't like it that he should be more bothered by HIS FEELINGS than he has been about MY FEELINGS.

Obviously, he has acknowledged your feelings by cutting off contact with some people as you requested. It doesn't mean that doing so has changed how he feels but that he has respect for your feelings. Even so, you seem to want him to completely disregard his own feelings and adopt yours.

" he's been messaging her brother to find out."

Since the reason that he has remained in contact with this one friend has nothing to do with his brother or you, why not give him the opportunity to find out what he needs to know to resolve his own issue?